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From Our Referrer Logs:

13 Sep, Sat, 23:20:22 Google: when a straight guy grabs my ass does it mean they are gay

Can't help you on that one.

mnrt:
They could be bi.
9.14.2008 3:31am
trad and anon:
Also depends on what sex the questioner is.
9.14.2008 3:44am
Jerome Cole (mail) (www):
I may have grabbed your beautiful, tight ass, but I am not gay!!!!! I love poontang!
9.14.2008 3:45am
sbutler (mail):
Gay or straight, I think politeness requires you grab their ass in return.
9.14.2008 3:50am
great unknown (mail):
What does this have to do with Sarah Palin?
9.14.2008 3:59am
Jerome Cole (mail) (www):
Sarah Palin is not gay!!!! She loves poontang!
9.14.2008 4:00am
str8:
Gay as hell.
9.14.2008 4:16am
great unknown (mail):
We need a Palin version of Godwin's Law.
9.14.2008 4:37am
A. Zarkov (mail):
when a straight guy grabs my ass does it mean they he are is gay
9.14.2008 4:39am
Nate in Alice:
The Palin law:

Any commenter who coins a palindrome or refers to one immediately loses the argument.
9.14.2008 4:53am
LM (mail):
Stop bothering me with this nonsense. I have more important things to worry about.

[Hat Tip: Too many to remember any]
9.14.2008 4:54am
Bill Poser (mail) (www):
One of the most common searches leading to my personal web site turns out to be "u00e9". That's one representation of the Unicode codepoint for lower case letter e with acute accent. It gets to my website because I have written software dealing with Unicode and use this codepoint as an example in several places, but why this is consistently one of the top searches, and why people are searching for such a thing, I have no idea.
9.14.2008 4:54am
J. Aldridge:
Bet John Edwards wondered about this when Kerry was reaching for him.
9.14.2008 5:09am
MSchmahl:
Singular "they" is older than McCaindirt.
9.14.2008 6:02am
A. Zarkov (mail):
Old and awful especially when you have "guy" as the subject.
9.14.2008 6:07am
Hoosier:
Bill Murray: "Do you mean, like, *flaming*?"
9.14.2008 8:13am
Smokey:
Any commenter who coins a palindrome or refers to one immediately loses the argument.
You lose the argument.

[Hey! What argument??]
9.14.2008 8:18am
Smokey:
LM--

I hadn't seen that Onion article before. ROFLMAO!! Thanks for the reacharound. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

[i keed! ...hey! what are you doing?! get away!]
9.14.2008 8:27am
dsn:
Is is possible that the guy is not gay, just a football coach?
9.14.2008 9:18am
Glenn W. Bowen (mail):

From Our Referrer Logs


My favorite gay porn film title was "Log Jam", I'm sensing a nonsequiter tie-in, sort of across unrelated planes of perception, you know?

My 2nd and 3rd favorite gay porn film titles were, and you'll note the nautical themes, "All Hands On Dick", and "Rear Admiral".
9.14.2008 9:25am
Jon Rowe (mail) (www):
This is, I understand, something football players and other masculine "straight" jocks commonly do as a "soft" hazing ritual. Some of the "hard" hazing have turned out to be horrific homo erotic practices.
9.14.2008 10:35am
jccamp (mail):
More than likely, yes...unless he/they is Larry Craig, in which circumstance, No.
9.14.2008 10:37am
Dave N (mail):
Glenn W. Bowen,

I'd ask why you are paying attention to gay porn but I really DON'T want to know.
9.14.2008 10:42am
smitty1e:
Back when, there was the concept of a "good play", an asexual pat on the buttock. You might even call it a "low five".
Now, a "package check" is a different matter altogether.
9.14.2008 10:48am
Sasha Volokh (mail) (www):
Glenn W. Bowen: For an anthropological perspective, how about Homo Erectus -- not the 2007 version, but this one from 1996? I was listening to a lecture on human evolution that was discussing Homo Erectus, and of course, thought, surely there must be a gay porn movie by that name?
9.14.2008 11:28am
Michael Drake (mail) (www):
Okay, how about whether a law prohibiting same-sex ass-grabbing would run afoul of Lawrence? And is same-sex ass-grabbing a slippery slope to man-dog ass-grabbing?
9.14.2008 11:30am
Norman Bates (mail):
Professor Volokh:

Unless I'm missing something, the search leads to the following outrageous lawsuit

Khadijah-Farmer v Caliente Cab Co.

which might be worth a comment thread.
9.14.2008 11:32am
theobromophile (www):
A. Zarkov beat me to it. It's strange to see someone use the "they are" construction when gender is unambiguous.
9.14.2008 2:40pm
Hoosier:
"Michael Drake:
Okay, how about whether a law prohibiting same-sex ass-grabbing would run afoul of Lawrence? And is same-sex ass-grabbing a slippery slope to man-dog ass-grabbing?"

So predictable. EVERY TIME a Conspirator posts a thread about homosexual ass-grabbing, someone goes right to animal-ass grabbing.
9.14.2008 2:46pm
randal (mail):
when a straight guy grabs my ass does it mean they he are is gay

It's strange to see someone use the "they are" construction when gender is unambiguous.

This is the new they of the screenager generation. It started as the rejection of he in cases of gender ambiguity, and also of he / she which is intolerable, especially spoken.

However, they as 'gender-neutral third-person singular pronoun' is not a stable point linguistically, because 'gender-neutral' is not a sufficiently strong semantic. It has instead evolved into the much stronger 'categorical third-person singular pronoun' (as opposed to 'specific thrid-person singular pronoun').

This is great and how language evolution is supposed to work. We now have a useful new word. It's unabmiguous relative to existing uses of they, and contrasts meaningfully with remaining uses of he and she.

"when a straight guy grabs my ass does it mean he is gay" would be used if the identity of the person were relevant (even hypothetically). As stated, it means anyone in the category of straight guys who are guys'-asses-grabbers. 'Categorical' often overlaps with 'gender neutral' (in cases where the category is not gender-specific). But an english speaker, after hearing they used as a singular third-person pronoun a lot, would (unconsciously) attach its use to the stronger semantic 'categorical'.

And so that's what's happend.
9.14.2008 4:47pm
Glenn W. Bowen (mail):
Several things- I live near, and have lived in, Greenwich Village. Years ago, deeply misguided, I read the Village voice regularly- bouncing the gay movie titles listed off each other was something we did at work. Dating myself (don't let me down, guys), most of the films seemed to have starred "Kip Knoll".

Synchronously, the Caliente Cab Co. is a ten minute walk from my house; the contractor who built it was an acquaintance of mine, it's been there for twenty-five years- a long time, NYC-wise.

Homo Erectus
9.14.2008 4:58pm
LM (mail):
randal,

That was great. Thank you.
9.14.2008 6:04pm
Dr. Weevil (mail) (www):
"Dating yourself", Glenn? Nice euphemism!
9.14.2008 10:58pm
theobromophile (www):
Randal, that would make sense, but why use the plural verb form?

As for everything else on this thread - brain scrub!
9.15.2008 1:24am
Happyshooter:
My 2nd and 3rd favorite gay porn film titles were, and you'll note the nautical themes, "All Hands On Dick", and "Rear Admiral".

When I was in Marine Boot Camp they had just gotten rid of the rank of Commodore, again. The learning manual--the "Recruit Knowledge"--still had the commodore rank.

The academic instructors went out of their way to drill into us that the first two navy flag ranks were now "Rear Admiral (Lower Half)" and "Rear Admiral (Upper Half)".

Out of the 13 weeks those times were when I was in the greatest danger of laughing out loud.

Turns out navy flag ranks were on the test, too.
9.15.2008 10:17am
arbitraryaardvark (mail) (www):
Logically, if he is straight, in that sense of the word, then he is not gay, in that sense of the word.
"They are" seems to be better than 'they is' when 'they' is being used as a singular third person pronoun.
These days, "guys" is gender-ambiguous, but in the singular, guy, probably still means male.
9.15.2008 9:36pm