Circumstances Positively Demand

Updating This Oldie But Goodie:
A schoolteacher asks her students to identify various quotes, by author and year.
"We hold these truths to be self-evident ...," she says.
"Thomas Jefferson, 1776!," shouts out little Moishe.
"Very good!," she says. "Now, government of the people, by the people, for the people ...."
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863!," shouts out little Shmuel.
"Very good!," the teacher says. "Now, one small step for man, one giant leap ...."
"Neil Armstrong, 1969!," says Moishe.
A voice from the back of the room mutters, "Fucking Jews."
"WHO SAID THAT?," bellows the teacher.
"Mel Gibson, 2006!," says Shmuel.