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What Academics Want:

Endowed chairs are all well and good, but just yesterday I realized that what we really need are endowed parking spaces.

Eugene Volokh (www):
Of course, there's nothing new under the sun; a google search revealed that someone beat me to this gag.
2.8.2006 1:30pm
Armen (mail) (www):
What? No Parking at UCLA? See what you REALLY need is a X-Permit. With those things you can turn Lu Valle into a drive-thru.
2.8.2006 1:57pm
Robert Cote (mail) (www):
So what you do is kill everyone in the urban planning department and use their bones to pave enough spots for everyone else. There's a reason there's not enough on campus parking and it has nothing to do with preserving the collegial atmosphere. Urban planners are anti-automobile at the genetic level and every other department needs to stop giving them the benefit of the doubt as they promulgate their astrology as if it were astronomy.

I know, the preceding sounds over the top reactionary but just ask one of them and chances are they'll blame every modern ill from falling academic standards to tooth decay on the automobile. Then ask them for the data to support their claims. There, a new parking spot, just drive into their gapping mouths.
2.8.2006 2:03pm
Taimyoboi:
Alternatively, if you live close enough to campus, you could request endowed golf carts or endowed mopeds.
2.8.2006 2:13pm
heard it from someone else (mail):
I don't know if it's apocryphal, but I've heard that at UC-Berkeley the only way to get a designated parking spot is to win a Nobel. Shows you how important parking spots are in Berkeley.
2.8.2006 2:15pm
Abdul (mail):
There's a professor at my law school who seems to appreciate endowed females, but to avoid a defamation suit I won't name him.
2.8.2006 2:21pm
Nobody Special:
heard it from someone else-

No, it isn't apocryphal. There's actually a special "NL" parking placard for it, along with signs near the various buildings that read "NL Parking Only."

NL being "Nobel Laureate," of course.
2.8.2006 3:18pm
M.E.Butler (mail):
I'm surprised that you didn't refer to that famous quip of Clark Kerr, a former head of the University of California system. He once said that the successful university adminstrator needed to do only three things: provide football for the alumni, sex for the students and parking for the faculty.

Forty years on, and nothing has changed.
2.8.2006 3:23pm
Nobody Special:
UCLA maintains artificial scarcity of parking spaces, both for the students and the faculty.

This is done not only in an attempt to inconvenience encourage students to use public transportation, but also because, for every permit parking space, that's one less $8 day parking pass that they sell.
2.8.2006 3:34pm
Cornellian (mail):
There's a professor at my law school who seems to appreciate endowed females, but to avoid a defamation suit I won't name him.

Unless becoming a professor turns a man into a eunuch, I would expect virtually every male professor to "appreciate endowed females" even if good manners, good judgment and overall maturity restrains them from displaying any sign of their appreciation.
2.8.2006 4:01pm
Andrew Hyman (mail) (www):
Endowed web sites have really arrived. Here's one.
2.8.2006 4:35pm
DK:
I don't share his tone or sense of humor, but Robert Cote is right that urban planners are often involved in this. While I was in grad school at Georgia Tech, with an existing parking shortage, the university came out with a new plan based on reducing the number of parking spaces in order to encourage more faculty to live in walking distance of campus. I am completely serious, as is the New Urbanism movement.
2.8.2006 5:00pm
VC Reader:
What would happen if you just painted "Reserved for Gary T. Schwartz Professor of Law" on a spot close to the law school?
2.8.2006 5:02pm
snark (mail):

"chances are they'll blame every modern ill from falling academic standards to tooth decay on the automobile"


Well, they might be wrong to pin EVERYTHING on the car, but there's a decent case to be made that the car, not The Pill, drove the sexual revolution. I leave it to others to decide whether that's a good or bad thing.
2.8.2006 5:16pm
Silicon Valley Jim (mail):
What would happen if you just painted "Reserved for Gary T. Schwartz Professor of Law" on a spot close to the law school?

Probably somebody named Gary T. Schwartz would paint out the "Professor of Law" part and park there.

I never have trouble finding a parking space in Silicon Valley. That may be because a bicycle is my usual means of transportation. I assume that that's illegal in southern California.
2.8.2006 6:07pm
John Lederer (mail):
I was under the impression that if you all just learned to park your bicycles straight there would be plenty of room for all (g,d,&r)
2.8.2006 6:11pm
Silicon Valley Jim (mail):
While I was in grad school at Georgia Tech, with an existing parking shortage, the university came out with a new plan based on reducing the number of parking spaces in order to encourage more faculty to live in walking distance of campus.

If memory serves, there just a lovely little residential neighborhood north of campus, right?
2.8.2006 6:18pm
Andy Freeman (mail):
Urban planners hate two-income households and shopping diversity and love the company town.
2.8.2006 8:18pm
Andrew J. Lazarus (mail):
At the demand of a member of the Mathematics Department, Fields Medalists at Berkeley now have the same parking privileges as Nobel Laureates. (There was also a special parking space for the late chemistry professor Joel Hildebrand, which he must have gotten as a 100th birthday present or some such.)
2.9.2006 12:03am
Ross Levatter (mail):
Regarding parking at Berkeley, it was said:

No, it isn't apocryphal. There's actually a special "NL" parking placard for it, along with signs near the various buildings that read "NL Parking Only."

NL being "Nobel Laureate," of course.

———

My G-d! Serve 'em right if Henry Kissinger starts taking advantage...
2.9.2006 1:38am
Anthony (mail):
Up until sometime around 1990, the Chemistry department had two spots specifically reserved by name for their Nobel Laureates. I don't know if Gerard Debreu or the other active faculty laureates had their own spaces near their offices, though. When the NL stickers were instituted, the reserved parking spaces were no longer reserved by name.
2.9.2006 2:26am
Michael Kleber (mail):
Once upon a time, the Berkeley Math department gave Nobel Laureate parking permits to its Fields Medal winners. At some point other departments protested this policy -- I believe it was sparked by the CS folks trying to use it to justify doing the same for Turing Award winners -- and the University ruled that they could no longer do so.

The Math department responded by instead giving a personally-reserved parking space to each Fields Medalist. Now that's an endowed parking space!
2.9.2006 3:29pm
Andrew J. Lazarus (mail):
I thank Mr Kleber for the update.
2.12.2006 11:55am