I firmly believe that professional sports team names should reflect something important about the city. For example, the "New Orleans Jazz" was a great name, the "Utah Jazz" an abomination. I've been thinking about names for the new D.C. baseball team. As a resident of the region, I'm partial to the "Washington Stuck in Traffics," the "Washington Long Commutes," or the "Washington Everyone Here Seems to be a Lawyer or Federal Workers." Because the team will be in D.C. itself and not suburban Arlington, as seemed more plausible at one time, perhaps it could go with the "Washington Hopeless Bureaucracys," "Washington Terrible Public Schools," or "Washington Thank God Marion Barry Isn't the Mayor Anymores." However, the D.C. baseball tradition suggests that the team should choose a name that reflects the presence of the federal government, as in the old "Senators." But I don't think that the "Senators" name really reflects the essence of the city, the way the "Jazz" seemed to for New Orleans. I've come up with three favorites. First, the relatively bland but telling "Washington Lobbyists." Second--and this one is too really too obscure for the mainstream, but it's my personal favorite--the "Washington Rentseekers." Finally--and I really think I have a winner here--the "Washington Special Interests."UPDATE: Name suggestions are pouring in. Several readers suggested the "Gridlocks," which applies both to common local political and traffic conditions; the Wall Street Journal apparently came up with that one. Other suggestions that I like: "Washington Military Industrial Complex" (here's a witty post on the problems created by sports team names that are singular instead of plural); "Washington PACs"; "Washington Wonks" (points for alliteration); and "Washington Deficits." Also, a reader reports that "sports talk show on WTEM the other day had a suggestion to honor a major historical event in Washington - name them the "Washington God Damn Bitch Set Me Ups."
Naming the New D.C. Baseball Team: