The Most Jewish Greek Myth:

The myth of Aegeus:

When Theseus set out to defeat the Minotaur on Crete, Aegeus made him promise to set white sails on the way back, so that he would understand if the mission had been successful. Theseus, however, forgot to do so, and when Aegeas saw the ship return with black sails, he committed suicide by throwing himself off a cliff into the sea. From that day, the sea was named after him: the Aegean Sea.

The Moral: Call your parents. Make sure they know you're OK. They worry, you know?

gwinje:
Already setting heroic tasks for your young'uns? Good on ya. They're less breakable before their bones fully ossify.
7.11.2009 2:26pm
Laura(southernxyl) (mail) (www):
Funny you should post this today. We are moving our daughter out to her first apartment. I am between tasks.

Moving her to school four years ago was hard. This is like OMG she's really going now. Only about an hour's drive away, but I will worry. I'll always worry. I know this, because my mother still worries about me.
7.11.2009 2:33pm
Howard Gilbert (mail):
So after I am gone all this time, you can't wait a few hours for the ship to dock. The first Instant Message looks bad and you have to throw yourself off a cliff. Did you think that maybe the white sails got ripped? Did you think that maybe they got singed by some dragon, or darkened by some tarballs. Did you think that maybe they got washed with the black sails and turned dark? What am I supposed to do? Turn around, go back, and buy some nice new white sails? Here I do the job, kill the monster, come home. Do they say, "Nice job son." No, the throw themselves off a cliff because they don't like how I do my laundry.
7.11.2009 3:45pm
Chris 24601 (mail) (www):
Theseus's ship got to be the most famous example of the problem of material constitution, though.
7.11.2009 3:46pm
neurodoc:
Surely the ultimate guilt trip to lay on your kid.
7.11.2009 3:59pm
Leo Marvin (mail):
If Theseus had remembered to set the white sails Aegeus would have said, "Look at Mister Big Shot, bragging to everyone, without so much as a "thank you" for everything I've sacrificed,*" and then thrown himself off the cliff.


(*Have you every tried eating Aethra's tsimmis?)
7.11.2009 4:46pm
Andrew Hyman (mail) (www):
Or maybe the moral is to not mix human DNA with bovine DNA.
7.11.2009 8:26pm
Please stop banning TtheCO:
What's with all the Jewish stuff on the blog? Which conspirators are Jewish?
7.11.2009 9:14pm
theobromophile (www):
ROFL to the comments.

EV, you should modify that: do not call one's parents immediately upon arriving at one's destination if one has driven 85 mph there, because one's parents will still worry. There's no pleasing people, sometimes.
7.11.2009 9:16pm
Leo Marvin (mail):
The list is shorter if you ask which ones aren't.
7.11.2009 9:18pm
DennisN (mail):
This has to be the geekiest joke I have heard in years. I LOVE IT!

Bravo Zulu Prof Volokh!
7.11.2009 9:34pm
Eli Rabett (www):
Were black sails normal for Greek ships? If so what was the reason??
7.11.2009 10:27pm
zippypinhead:
The Moral: Call your parents. Make sure they know you're OK. They worry, you know?
It all depends on one's point of view. When I was in high school and college, I (and many of my equally-inconsiderate peers) took the opposite approach - Mom and Dad should should be content to assume that no news is good news. After all, if something bad happens to me, the cops will eventually notify Mom, right?

But now that I'm the parent of teenagers, I'm thinking those real-time GPS trackers you can install in your car and activate on Junior's cell phone are a wonderful innovation...
7.11.2009 11:38pm
Speedwell (mail):
The moral continues, "Or you'll never hear the end of it, so help me, it's going to follow you around until the end of time." (Literal quote from my Jewish grandmother, haha)
7.12.2009 12:17am
BGates:
Were black sails normal for Greek ships?

No. At one time they were not allowed at all.

Then the wise Medusa decreed that no fleet could leave the harbor without a certain percentage of black sails....
7.12.2009 2:18am
ReaderY:
Methinks the good Professor suffers from stereotypitis.
7.12.2009 2:33am
Eugene Volokh (www):
ReaderY: Obviously the joke is based on a stereotype (a fairly accurate one, but more importantly one that strikes me as funny here). But who says I'm suffering?
7.12.2009 11:08am
JohnKT (mail):
Tristan and Isolde is another mythological case of miscommunications. Isolde is on her way by sail to rejoin Tristan in Brittany. Tristan's loyal shepherd stands watch and will play a joyful tune on his pipes if he spots Isolde's boat.

Instead, Tristan hears a mournful tune, commits suicide, and everybody sadly dies, as is customary in tragedies.

But the best example literature has to offer of miscommunications is an angstful skit by Samuel Beckett. In the skit, an existential middle-aged man carefully explains the communications system he worked out with his mother who was deaf. One rap on the head was to mean "no", two raps "yes." The monologuist carefully explains that everything can be communicated with just "yesses" and "noes," given enough of them. Fortunately he doesn't mention Turing's Machine, which is taken for granted, I guess.

The monologuist looks at the audience with a pained look. He realizes that his carefully developed scheme isn't working. His mother, instead of relishing the communications, looks at him in terror everytime he approaches her. He explains that his mother couldn't count past one, which he hadn't realized. The poor woman, he says, thought everything he told her was "no."
7.12.2009 3:01pm
Leo Marvin (mail):
EV,

But who says I'm suffering?

When my brother was 3 or 4 he asked our grandfather, "what does it mean that we're Jewish?", to which Grandpa replied, "to be Jewish is to suffer."

So my grandfather says you're suffering. Are you calling him a liar?
7.12.2009 3:52pm
Glenn W. Bowen (mail):
Theseus no longer stood in his father's shadow- mythical transformation by entering the dark place and killing the beast earned him the right to ignore his father's instructions.
7.12.2009 6:04pm
Laura(southernxyl) (mail) (www):
In contrast to the boy who slew the Jabberwock, who went galumphing home with its head so his father could chortle with joy. I guess he didn't get the memo about his emancipation.
7.12.2009 8:36pm
Amy Alkon (mail) (www):
Hilarious, Eugene. Love to see you make this a series.
7.13.2009 1:58am
divine (mail):

Obviously the joke is based on a stereotype (a fairly accurate one, but more importantly one that strikes me as funny here). But who says I'm suffering?


Well, you are a Jewish parent, aren't you?
7.13.2009 9:13am

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