Gay Conservatives:

Interesting post by the Gay Patriot: "It’s easier to be gay among conservatives than it is to be conservative among gays."

Nick056:
Sex columnist and gay rights advocate Dan Savage was recently asked when he knew he was LGBTQ. That's right: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning. As if all of those people formed a community of shared experience, such that just being gay made you "LBGTQ."

That in itself is a very dubious notion, promoted I feel by interest groups who would rather see people merely share echo-chamber "experiences" than devise and share meaningful policy goals and develop an honest understanding of their own place in society.
2.20.2009 9:37pm
jab:
I'm sorry but I call B.S.
If, as he claims, the vast majority of conservatives have no problem with gays, then explain the hyperventilating over including gays in the institution of marriage? You would think conservatives would applaud gays wanting to pair off and form monogamous, self-supporting family units.
Oh wait, he means, "conservatives who won't to your face call you a pervert, and will even pretend in public to be open-minded, but in private think you are a deviant deserving scorn." Sorry, I don't accept that you can be pro-gay and anti-gay-marriage, despite all the pretzel-contorting logic to the contrary.
2.20.2009 9:47pm
Jamie (mail):
That's my experience, and a sentiment shared by every gay Republican or Libertarian I know. If you dare question the leftist orthodoxy, you're self-loathing and despicable in many eyes. I've always felt more comfortable coming out as gay to other Republicans, than coming out as Republican when I'm around other gays (I've been referred to as akin to a "Jewish Nazi" or "vegetarian butcher").
2.20.2009 9:51pm
Urchin Barren:

Oh wait, he means, "conservatives who won't to your face call you a pervert, and will even pretend in public to be open-minded, but in private think you are a deviant deserving scorn." Sorry, I don't accept that you can be pro-gay and anti-gay-marriage, despite all the pretzel-contorting logic to the contrary.
___________________

Assuming your characterization is accurate (tenuous ground, I think), GPW framed it as a matter of degree - it's "easier."

I believe him.
2.20.2009 9:54pm
jab:
Urchin,

I'm not saying all conservatives by any means.. there are genuinely pro-gay conservatives out there... Bill Weld comes to mind. But the number of conservative, OPENLY pro-gay conservatives out there is small. When being gay is accepted as being left-handed (minority, but completely irrelevant) in conservative circles, THEN I'll buy it that it's easier being gay in conservative circles than conservative in gay circles.
2.20.2009 9:59pm
jab:
Final point...

I know plenty of gays who hold conservative positions (low taxes, pro-business, pro-life, pro-military), but choose to still identify as liberal (in the classical sense, or not quite the same, Blue Dog sense). They would rather be associated with the side that doesn't question their legitimacy as a healthy human being... they find it easier to be on the left, but fight and oppose the economic policy on the left, than be on the side that they agree with on economic issues but barely accepts their humanity.
2.20.2009 10:04pm
GayRepublican:
"That's my experience, and a sentiment shared by every gay Republican or Libertarian I know."

Add me to the list. Lifelong republican and homo (LOL). Even my Democrat fiance who voted for McCain this past election received a lot of hate from his gay friends for doing so.
2.20.2009 10:06pm
trad and anon (mail):
Depends which gays, and which conservatives. I think what GayPatriot really means is "It's easier for me to be gay among the conservatives who share my general education level, class status, interests, and locality than it is to be conservative among the gays who share my general education level, class status, interests, and locality." The idea that the UVa Federalist Society is remotely representative of conservatives generally is just silly.
2.20.2009 10:12pm
John Moore (www):

The idea that the UVa Federalist Society is remotely representative of conservatives generally is just silly.


And of course the same surmise could be made about liberals, so your point is irrelevant.
2.20.2009 10:17pm
John Moore (www):
Too many believe that social conservatives, because we oppose some gay political causes, personally dislike or despise gays as individuals.

It is understandable that liberals believe this, since so many of them take a personal dislike to those with whom they disagree.

Gay activists, of course, try to exploit this image by labeling those who oppose their initiatives as "homophobic," an inaccurate but effective pejorative.

Believe it or not, it is actually possible to be against causes like gay marriage while appreciating and respecting gay individuals.
2.20.2009 10:25pm
jab:
"Believe it or not, it is actually possible to be against causes like gay marriage while appreciating and respecting gay individuals."

No, it's not. I fear though, this is a fundamental disagreement that no amount of debating will resolve...
2.20.2009 10:30pm
Dilan Esper (mail) (www):
I suspect that a lot of conservatives have no problems with gays and would otherwise support gay rights but won't do so publicly because they want to keep the christian right in the coalition and don't want to cross them.
2.20.2009 10:36pm
Amy Alkon (mail) (www):
I'm with Cass Sunstein and Richard Thaler's take in "Nudge" that all marriage should be civil, between whichever two consenting adults would like to commit to each other, and that religious organizations can choose to bless or not bless the unions of whomever they please. (Based, of course, on their evidence-free belief that there's a big man in the sky moving all of us around like chess pieces, and all that ensues from the business that is religion.)
2.20.2009 10:50pm
John Moore (www):

"Believe it or not, it is actually possible to be against causes like gay marriage while appreciating and respecting gay individuals."

No, it's not. I fear though, this is a fundamental disagreement that no amount of debating will resolve...


Huh? So even though I appreciate and respect gay individuals, you are telling me that I don't really do so because I disagree with their marriage goals. That's absurd.


I suspect that a lot of conservatives have no problems with gays and would otherwise support gay rights but won't do so publicly because they want to keep the christian right in the coalition and don't want to cross them.


You would be wrong, unless you are talking about politicians who are always careful about who they offend. One would think that the Christian right is some sort of Godzilla. We aren't.
2.20.2009 10:57pm
jab:
"Huh? So even though I appreciate and respect gay individuals, you are telling me that I don't really do so because I disagree with their marriage goals."

That's EXACTLY what I'm telling you. You may THINK you respect gay individuals, but you don't. Unless you have some unusual definition of "respect."

If you don't think a lesbian couple of 20 years who has been raising, say, 3 kids from birth does not deserve marriage rights, then, no, you don't respect them in any meaningful sense of the word. You may think you do, but you don't.

If you don't think two consenting adults who love each other, and want to care for and be responsible for each other in a committed, monogamous relationship don't deserve to be included in marriage, then no, no you don't respect them.

Hint: If the vast majority of a group believe you are not respecting them, have an ounce of humility and at least own up to the fact that you probably are not respecting them.
2.20.2009 11:04pm
a_j_1979:
I would like to understand, from those people that say that they oppose gay marrriage, but are very appreciative and respectful of gay people, what is that they propose that gay couples and gay families should do? What it is that they offer to a gay couple instead of marriage?
2.20.2009 11:09pm
John Moore (www):
jab

You have a really bizarre concept of the word respect. You seem to equate it to unconditional approval of all aspects of that person's life and goals. If that's a standard, there's hardly anyone that anyone can respect.

Or is it the idea that a person must be defined in terms of their sexuality, and that they can only be "respected" if one agrees with all aspects of their sexuality?

How truly extreme!
2.20.2009 11:12pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):
One of the difficulties here is that some people insist that you either accept them wholly, and completely support all their choices and actions, or you hold them in contempt. The real world is actually a bit more complicated than that.

I have a friend who drinks too much. I am concerned that he is headed down the road to alcoholism.

I have friends who don't go to church. I feel sorry for them.

I have friends who don't appreciate the grandeur of the night sky, or the power and beauty of looking at Saturn or M42 through a large telescope. I am perplexed by their inability to appreciate this. (Well, not too many aren't awed by Saturn.)

I have a friend who seems to have at least a mental adultery problem--and might go beyond lusting in his heart if he had a chance. I know enough about his marriage to see why, and feel for him.

None of us is perfect. We all have areas where we fail, where we are weak, where we miss the mark. Does this mean that these people aren't my friends? No. But it doesn't mean that I pretend that drinking to excess isn't a problem. It doesn't mean that I excuse my friend who makes crude remarks about the waitress (in front of his wife, who is obviously hurt by it). It doesn't mean that I support passing laws to make all of these peculiarities, weaknesses, and human foibles into protected categories.

For a while I had a fascinating email conversation with a gay conservative competition shooter who had to be deeply closeted about both parts of his life. He was a competition shooter--and where he lived, he didn't feel that he could let even a hint of his gayness leak out. At the same time, he didn't dare let his conservative political leanings show to his gay friends. He was in a terrible bind.

This need to reduce every relationship to binary love/hate is the sign of enormous immaturity.
2.20.2009 11:16pm
John Moore (www):
a j

We can offer respect, friendship, or whatever that people offer each other. There is no requirement to offer some sort of marriage or marriage surrogate.

Respecting an individual and respecting a specific aspect of their life (in this case, their sexual preference), are not the same thing.
2.20.2009 11:16pm
John Moore (www):
Clayton,
As usual, eloquently expressed.
2.20.2009 11:18pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

Hint: If the vast majority of a group believe you are not respecting them, have an ounce of humility and at least own up to the fact that you probably are not respecting them.
Or that maybe the vast majority of a group needs to grow up. I don't particularly care if you respect me, like me, whatever. I do care if you attempt to force your values on me.

And that's the big problem that homosexuals in America have today: they have, as a political movement, abandoned the notion that they have a privacy right to be gay, and turned into a demand that we smile stupidly and pretend to approve of homosexuality--on pain of being punished with fines, lawsuits, etc.

You think homosexuality is just fine, and anyone that doesn't share your view is sick, hate-filled, or stupid. That's your opinion, and you are welcome to it. I have a different opinion than you do. The difference between us is that you insist that you have a right to force your opinion on me, using the government to force me to pretend that I agree, or being punished. I'm willing to accept a difference of opinion, and leave you alone.

I can respect gay conservatives and gay libertarians because they are prepared to accept that we don't have to agree. We can agree to disagree about certain moral questions, and neither of us is going to use the jackboots to force behavior.
2.20.2009 11:22pm
jab:
Clayton,

The difference is...
your friend who is alcoholic knows that this is self-destructive... your adulterous friend knows his behavior hurts others as well as himself... no one goes around declaring "adultery is good", "alcoholism is good"

The fact that you equate homosexuality with destructive behaviors.. that hurt themselves and those around them shows that you just don't get it.

Then again, I've seen enough of your posts to know that really there is no point in arguing with you.
2.20.2009 11:23pm
GayRepublican:
Clayton,

I'm sorry you think that gay conduct is like alcoholism, atheism, or mental adultery. It's not. It's simply a natural action that flows from the fact that some people are attracted to the same sex.

And yes, the fact that you don't accept that fact probably makes it hard for many gays to be close friends with you. My fiance and I are Christians, but you'd probably still treat us as second-class friends, because we're a same-sex couple and not a 'real' couple in your eyes.
2.20.2009 11:23pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):
jab writes:

That's EXACTLY what I'm telling you. You may THINK you respect gay individuals, but you don't. Unless you have some unusual definition of "respect."
Fascinating. You know better what I think than I do? This is all rather reminiscent of when the psychiatric profession better knew what homosexuals wanted, or should want, than they did. You might ask Alan Turing how well your attitude worked, when the ballerina slipper was on the other foot.
2.20.2009 11:25pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

The difference is...
your friend who is alcoholic knows that this is self-destructive... your adulterous friend knows his behavior hurts others as well as himself... no one goes around declaring "adultery is good", "alcoholism is good"
What? Let's see, there's Modern Drunkard magazine. There's a whole subculture calling "swinging" devoted to the idea that adultery is good. Maybe you don't get out much.


The fact that you equate homosexuality with destructive behaviors.. that hurt themselves and those around them shows that you just don't get it.
That's a fact. High substance abuse rates in the gay community have been a subject of enormous study for decades.
2.20.2009 11:27pm
Al (mail):
If you don't think two consenting adults who love each other, and want to care for and be responsible for each other in a committed, monogamous relationship don't deserve to be included in marriage, then no, no you don't respect them.

Jab, then I guess you would agree that President Obama does not respect gay people either, right?
2.20.2009 11:28pm
jab:
Clayton,

You seriously have it twisted... gays are not forcing you to do or accept anything... gays just want to be left alone to live their lives.. they want to be treated THE SAME by their government... I don't give a rat's piss what you think or believe about gay people... but I very much care how the government treats its citizens. No one is forcing you to think anything AT ALL. You can hate gays all you want, honestly, no one gives a da*m what you think. Gays are NOT asking the governement to make you do anything at all... they just want equal treatment in the civil context. Period.

Clayton, please tell me exactly how gays are forcing you to do anything... Seriously, it's hilarious that you think you are the one being oppressed...
2.20.2009 11:28pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

I'm sorry you think that gay conduct is like alcoholism, atheism, or mental adultery. It's not. It's simply a natural action that flows from the fact that some people are attracted to the same sex.
But why are they attracted? And yes, I do see homosexuality that way. But you see, unlike many homosexual activists, I'm prepared to leave you alone. I have my opinion, you have yours. There's no need to drag the government into this. But if you insist, I don't think you are going to like it. Homosexuals, of all groups, should be among the most skeptical of government intervening to impose a moral code.

And yes, the fact that you don't accept that fact probably makes it hard for many gays to be close friends with you. My fiance and I are Christians, but you'd probably still treat us as second-class friends, because we're a same-sex couple and not a 'real' couple in your eyes.
In all the time that I lived in the Bay Area, I can think of two gay couples that I knew, both lesbian couples. One of them was a pretty normal couple (other than their sexual orientation); the other was one of those nasty stereotypes: the bull dyke doing an insulting parody of a hypermacho mam.

Since you don't know me, don't interact with me in any social setting, you are doing exactly what a lot of gay leftists do: engaging in stereotyping based on what you want to believe about me.
2.20.2009 11:32pm
jab:
Al,

You want my honest answer?

I think Obama is lying. I believe he has no problem with gay marriage. Same with Hillary. Same with Bill. Same with Kerry. Same with Edwards. I think the vast majority of the Democratic leadership are lying... they personally have no problem with it. But they are calculating... that you just can't win a national election right now and openly say it... so they wink, and they nod, and they hope gay people suck it up and understand... and the vast majority do.
But that is just my opinion.
2.20.2009 11:32pm
LM (mail):
jab:

"Believe it or not, it is actually possible to be against causes like gay marriage while appreciating and respecting gay individuals."

No, it's not. I fear though, this is a fundamental disagreement that no amount of debating will resolve...

Do you think it's impossible because being simulataneously pro-gay and anti-gay marriage involves embracing a logical contradiction? Because there's nothing unusual, much less impossible, about doing that. Or do you think it's impossible for another reason?
2.20.2009 11:34pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

You seriously have it twisted... gays are not forcing you to do or accept anything... gays just want to be left alone to live their lives..
That is a flat out lie, and if you don't know about the use of sexual orientation antidiscrimination laws to force compliance, you aren't paying attention. Elaine Hugenin was a freelance photographer in New Mexico. She didn't want to do a civil union ceremony--and she was fined more than $6700 for saying, "I would prefer not. Why don't you hire someone else?"

In New Jersey, a church is in danger of losing its non-profit status because it refused to rent its facilities out for a same-sex civil union.

In Canada, teachers have been suspended from their jobs for writing letters on their own time to the newspaper to express disapproval of homosexuality.

Rev. Green was threatened with jail time for preaching against homosexuality.

There have been many such incidents over the least few years.

If you want to be left alone, it's easy. There are no laws against homosexuality. Stop this attempt to punish people for disagreeing with you.
2.20.2009 11:36pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

I think Obama is lying.
Next you will tell me the sky is blue. Even by the standards of politicians, Obama is among the biggest and most outrageous of liars. He has broken more promises in his first month than a gross of Congressmen. (And I have a low opinion of Congresscritters.)
2.20.2009 11:38pm
GayRepublican (mail):
Clayton,

No, I don't know you outside of your comments here, your posts on your blog, and your scholarly articles. (And I've read Volokh and your blog for years.) I have no doubt that you can be friendly to gays.

However, I don't have to know you on a personal level to realize that your position on homosexual conduct would create barriers in any friendship. For example, if homosexuality in your mind is like alcoholism or adultery, then there is simply no way you'd attend our wedding, because that would be supporting us as we 'gave in' for life to our flaw. How can close friends not go to each other's weddings and still be considered close friends? That's the kind of real life situation I'm talking about where your position on homosexuality would put up a wall.
2.20.2009 11:41pm
John Moore (www):
jab

Yeah, the great one must be lying, because otherwise he would be unacceptable in your eyes. That cognitive dissonance is apparently too much for you to bear.

Most Christian denominations are against homosexuality, including Obama's. That doesn't mean their members dislike homosexuals, but it does mean that they don't approve of their sexual behavior. Furthermore, it is not an unreasonable hypothesis that homosexuality is (on average) a harmful aberration. In fact, statistics strongly support that - at least about males. It is, however, a hypothesis that is almost as verboten as holocaust denial.

Even so, we can respect gays, be friends with gays(if THEY would allow such a thing), work with them, etc.

Unfortunately, gays activists demand, apparently psychologically need, full approval. There is no compromise. As is clear from this discussion, one supports the gay political agenda, or one must be evil.

BTW... The Roman Catholic Church accepts homosexual priests, as long as they do not engage in homosexual acts - which is completely consistent with the requirement that heterosexual priests be chaste.
2.20.2009 11:43pm
SFC B (mail) (www):
Gays are NOT asking the governement to make you do anything at all... they just want equal treatment in the civil context.
Forgive my ignorance here, but how is a civil union (in states where they exist), with all the various rights regarding health care, hospital visitation, property rights, etc not the same as marriage? I was under the impression that a civil union was the same damned thing.
2.20.2009 11:46pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

what is that they propose that gay couples and gay families should do?
Live their lives in peace. There are, at most, two finance issues that might argue for marriage rather than using contracts and power of attorney. One is Social Security survivor benefits, where there is no easy way around it. The other is joint tax filing--which primarily benefits straight couples if one of them is not working, or is making substantially less than the other--a situation not so common among gay couples.

Gay families? There are no children of gay couples. Guaranteed. There are gay people with children from a previous straight marriage, or who have adopted children, or had a child by a someone outside the relationship. (Holding a turkey baster doesn't make you the father.) But the primary governmental interest in marriage today is child custody and support questions--and since there are no (guaranteed) biological children from a gay couple, there's no need for it.

And of course, the Goodridges, on whose behalf the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled, are now divorced. As is another of the early Mass. gay marriages. They went to Rhode Island, demanding a divorce within a year two, as some sort of test case. Pretty clearly, either these marriages were shams to force changes in the law, or marriage didn't help these couples stay together. Probably because the core problem of keeping gay couples together isn't a lack of marriage, but much deeper emotional problems.

It is apparent that much of what drives the gay marriage thing isn't a legitimate need; it's a desperate need for the ultimate societal badge of approval. But that won't solve the fundamental brokenness that shows up in the high rates of promiscuity and substance abuse that disproportionately afflict the gay community.
2.20.2009 11:47pm
therut (mail):
Not all gay people believe in or want gay marriage. But the activists want everyone to believe that is not so. I have several (more than 20) lesbian co-workers and friends and NONE think gay marriage should exist. It makes NO sense to them. They voted to ban gay marriage in the State they live in. Now this fact would never be reported by the MSM. I doubt any of them would talk about it to a reporter cause of the death threats and hate that would be directed their way. At least they have told me they are afraid to even bring the subject up with anyone they do not know very well.
2.20.2009 11:49pm
Al (mail):

You want my honest answer?

I think Obama is lying. I believe he has no problem with gay marriage. Same with Hillary. Same with Bill. Same with Kerry. Same with Edwards. I think the vast majority of the Democratic leadership are lying... they personally have no problem with it.


Then it sounds like they have even less respect for gays than conservatives that treat gays fairly and with respect, but nevertheless have a good faith opposition to same sex marriage.
2.20.2009 11:50pm
Frater Plotter:
Hint: If the vast majority of a group believe you are not respecting them, have an ounce of humility and at least own up to the fact that you probably are not respecting them.
Or that maybe the vast majority of a group needs to grow up.
See that? That's disrespect. It's yours; you own it.
2.20.2009 11:51pm
arbitraryaardvark (mail) (www):
http://www.drunkard.com/ that's a new one for me, thanks clayton.
2.20.2009 11:51pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

However, I don't have to know you on a personal level to realize that your position on homosexual conduct would create barriers in any friendship. For example, if homosexuality in your mind is like alcoholism or adultery, then there is simply no way you'd attend our wedding, because that would be supporting us as we 'gave in' for life to our flaw.
Very true. I suspect that we would not be close friends. I don't generally attend parties where people sit around getting drunk, nor do I have friends who "swing." That's life. I'm not asking to be close friends with you, nor am I asking the return. I'm asking you not to use the government as a bludgeon to force me to pretend to be something that I am not. I would think that homosexuals, who have often spent at least part of their lives pretending to be something that they are not, would understand and respect that. But perhaps forcing others to be inauthentic makes some homosexuals feel more normal.

How can close friends not go to each other's weddings and still be considered close friends? That's the kind of real life situation I'm talking about where your position on homosexuality would put up a wall.
I wasn't aware that there was some obligation to be a close friend to you. I don't have a lot of close friends. But then again, I'm not prepared to pretend to be something that I am not.
2.20.2009 11:52pm
jab:
I've said my peace (or piece?) at this point...
But by all means, I hope Clayton and Mr. Moore keep posting honestly, proving to all of us with each and every post how they REALLY do "RESPECT" gay people... LOL... isn't it obvious from their posts? Just dripping with respect.
2.20.2009 11:53pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

I have several (more than 20) lesbian co-workers and friends and NONE think gay marriage should exist. It makes NO sense to them.
I have gay friends who think that gay marriage is largely a distraction from important issues...like living their lives without constant political screeching that creates unnecessary conflict.



Or that maybe the vast majority of a group needs to grow up.


See that? That's disrespect. It's yours; you own it.
See that? That's immaturity--the need to have people that you don't even known respect you and pretend that everything that you do is okay.

I do a lot of things that you probably don't respect--you might even find them gross or repulsive. I eat meat. (I had a friend who attended UC Santa Cruz in the 1970s, and felt that she was constantly being looked down for being a meat eater.) I don't want reality TV shows--they seem stupid. I find quite a number of common entertainments vulgar and degrading.

But so what? I'm not asking for your approval. I'm asking for you to leave me alone, and I'm glad to return the favor.
2.20.2009 11:56pm
Putting Two and Two...:

In New Jersey, a church is in danger of losing its non-profit status because it refused to rent its facilities out for a same-sex civil union.


Wow. That's a pretty brazen distortion, even for you.
2.20.2009 11:59pm
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

But by all means, I hope Clayton and Mr. Moore keep posting honestly, proving to all of us with each and every post how they REALLY do "RESPECT" gay people
I respect individuals that I know who are gay, and who either behave themselves reasonably well, or at least don't insist on rubbing my nose in what they do. They respect that we don't agree on this, and don't insist on making a spectacle of themselves. I give them the respect that mature adults deserve when they behave like mature adults.

I have friends who are Jewish (and not just culturally). I don't go out of my way to emphasize the differences between Christianity and Judaism; they don't go out of their way, either. We recognize that there are differences of opinion, and we are mature enough adults to have a friendship based on mutual respect.
2.21.2009 12:00am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

Wow. That's a pretty brazen distortion, even for you.
That's exactly what happened. They own an area of beachfront which enjoys a particular property tax exemption as a non-profit. The State of New Jersey was considering revoking that exemption because the church (which as a several hundred year old objection to homosexuality) refused to rent their facilities out. What's the distortion?
2.21.2009 12:02am
John Moore (www):
jab

I must admit that my respect for you is dropping, but I don't even know your sexual preference. You appear to either not understand the meaning of the word "respect," or are using it as a surrogate for something else.

To be clear: there are gay people I respect. There are gay people I despise (e.g. Andrew Sullivan). There are straight people I respect. There are straight people I despise (e.g. Jimmy Carter). There are gay people whose presence I enjoy. There are straight people whose presence I don't enjoy.

Get it? You frigging sexual preference does not define you in my eyes. If you define people by their preference, you either need to grow up or you have a cognitive deficiency.
2.21.2009 12:03am
GayRepublican (mail):
Clayton,

I was not suggesting that you were obligated to be friends with me or anyone else. The reason I'm bringing this to a personal level is because I think it's easy sometimes for one group to simply think of another group as some 'other' that exists only in the abstract.

What I find unfortunate is that we most likely could never be close friends, no matter how much we got along in life and agreed on other issues, because your opinion on homosexuality would prevent you from partaking in activities that close friends share. That's my point.

Oh, and FYI, I'm a teetotaler and definitely not a swinger, so we have that in common.
2.21.2009 12:04am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

You appear to either not understand the meaning of the word "respect," or are using it as a surrogate for something else.
And that, unfortunately, is at the core of most of the screeching about marriage. There are, as I have pointed out, a couple of legitimately difficult matters to make equivalent without formal recognition of marriage. But most of what is driving this insistence on same-sex marriage is a desperate desire for proof that homosexuality is perfectly fine, just like any other way of living, no problems whatsoever.
2.21.2009 12:06am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

I was not suggesting that you were obligated to be friends with me or anyone else. The reason I'm bringing this to a personal level is because I think it's easy sometimes for one group to simply think of another group as some 'other' that exists only in the abstract.
Exactly my point. The insistence that any disapproval of homosexuality makes one equivalent to Rev. Fred Phelps is one of the most absurd and offensive aspects of the gay left.

What I find unfortunate is that we most likely could never be close friends, no matter how much we got along in life and agreed on other issues, because your opinion on homosexuality would prevent you from partaking in activities that close friends share. That's my point.
Very possibly.

You mentioned weddings. You don't have to be gay for that to be an issue. Mormon weddings typically take place in Mormon temples--where non-Mormons are not allowed. I have had some Mormon friends--and not being able to attend their weddings hasn't been any big deal to me.

I remember some years when King Hussein of Jordan died, the non-Muslims (many of them heads of state) had to stay outside the mosque for the funeral. I don't know if that is the case for Muslims in America, but does that prevent me from being friends with Muslims? No. (And yes, I have had Muslim friends in California and here in Idaho.)

I'm honestly hard pressed to see how your homosexuality would prevent a friendship. I suppose if you and your partner started getting hot and heavy in front of my wife and I, we would be uncomfortable. But that would be true if we were at a straight couple's home.
2.21.2009 12:12am
foobar:
I don't see how gay marriage forces any private citizen to accept any sort of ideology. I think the point of the gay marriage movement is to force government to accept the equality of gay couples to straight ones.
2.21.2009 12:13am
jab:
Mr. Moore,

Clearly, we have different definitions of the word "respect."
To me, "respect" implies that you fully accept the humanity of an individual... and the core of one's humanity is the ability to love and be loved.

It's one thing to disagree with someone on policy... I have plenty of conservative friends (I admit not socially conservative), and we freely debate foreign policy, economic theory, tax policy... and these debates can get very heated/passionate. I may not always agree, but I respect their intellect and insight.

As for my orientation... yes, I am gay. The thing is, for my conservative (again, I admit not socially conservative) friends, being gay is like being left-handed to them. It's not the majority, but so what. They accept me as a human being, they accept that I am hard-wired to love and be loved, and all they care about is that whoever I end up with with treat me with love and respect. Period.

Being gay is not just some minor part of identity... because as humans, our capacity to love and be loved is really what separates us from other animals (along with intelligence and self-awareness).

As I said, I absolutely love debating policy... and I value opposing view points... but when it comes to sexual orientation, I guess I am unforgiving... my humanity is not up for debate.

The reason why Gay Patriot probably encounters hostility from the left is not because gays oppose conservative policies (really, gays don't get that worked up about tax policy, social security, foreign policy, trade agreements etc)... it as a reaction to to the social conservatism.
2.21.2009 12:17am
John Moore (www):

I don't see how gay marriage forces any private citizen to accept any sort of ideology. I think the point of the gay marriage movement is to force government to accept the equality of gay couples to straight ones.


Government is "government of the people, by the people." Forcing "the government" to accept the ideology of gay equivalency is forcing the people to do so.

Furthermore, it is utterly clear that gay couples are NOT equal to straight couples - by definition.
2.21.2009 12:19am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

I don't see how gay marriage forces any private citizen to accept any sort of ideology. I think the point of the gay marriage movement is to force government to accept the equality of gay couples to straight ones.
Once you define gay marriage as identical to straight marriage, all sorts of private firms are thus obligated to grant equivalent benefits. Many private companies have chosen to do so--but there are others that have not. Once you put that into law, a company that doesn't will be sued into non-existence--which is, after all, one of the objectives.

Generally, sexual orientation antidiscrimination laws make exceptions for religious institutions--but not always. That's why the Catholic Church stopped running adoption agencies in Massachusetts a while back, and I recall that something similar happened with New York State removing the Salvation Army from its list of social service providers because they refused to sign a pledge not to discriminate based on sexual orientation.

If there were some really serious obstacles to gay couples organizing their affairs without benefit of marriage, I could at least believe that the motivations on this were aboveboard. But the obstacles are tiny, and the brazen test case nature of the early adopters in Massachusetts only staying married for a short period of time show that this wasn't an honest goal.
2.21.2009 12:20am
Brian K (mail):
But you see, unlike many homosexual activists, I'm prepared to leave you alone

says the guy who shows up on every post in regards to homosexualty and slings anti-gay insults around.


I respect individuals that I know who are gay, and who either behave themselves reasonably well, or at least don't insist on rubbing my nose in what they do.

shorter clayton: i only respect gays who do their best to be not gay.
2.21.2009 12:22am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

As I said, I absolutely love debating policy... and I value opposing view points... but when it comes to sexual orientation, I guess I am unforgiving... my humanity is not up for debate.
Do you know anyone who denies your humanity? I don't deny the humanity of people with drug problems, or who can't control their temper, or who are crude or vulgar. They may not be the people I prefer to associate with, but that doesn't make them inhuman, or subhuman. It makes them people who do things of which I don't approve. I don't ask them to change (although many of them can), but I do insist that they not use the government to force me to change.
2.21.2009 12:23am
GayRepublican (mail):
Clayton,

The main difference I see between a gay wedding and a wedding at an LDS temple (like you, I have many LDS friends) is that non-members (or members without temple recommends) are not allowed at temple weddings, period. But you and your wife would certainly be allowed to attend most gay weddings, so it'd be entirely your choice not to attend. Maybe that choice wouldn't put up as much of a wall as I think it would though...

Oh, and my fiance and I NEVER get hot and heavy in public. At most, we'll hold hands or give a quick kiss, but even those kinds of things are the sort of things respectable couples do during a fireworks show instead of at a friend's house.

Also, please don't mistake my thoughts on straight/gay friendships as approval of government restrictions on certain 1st Amendment rights. I am VERY libertarian when it comes to the freedoms of speech and association.
2.21.2009 12:26am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):


But you see, unlike many homosexual activists, I'm prepared to leave you alone



says the guy who shows up on every post in regards to homosexualty and slings anti-gay insults around.
I learned that "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." But perhaps I'm not as oversensitive a soul as you are. If you can't handle a difference of opinion, you need to live in a police state where differences of opinion are suppressed.



I respect individuals that I know who are gay, and who either behave themselves reasonably well, or at least don't insist on rubbing my nose in what they do.



shorter clayton: i only respect gays who do their best to be not gay.
No, I respect gays who don't think that acting like a nasty stereotype makes them authentic, and don't insist on flaunting their homosexuality.

If I was invited to a vegetarian potluck, I would bring macaroni and cheese--not a platter of ribs.
2.21.2009 12:26am
Putting Two and Two...:

church is in danger of losing its non-profit status


There, Clayton, is at least one rather major distortion. Pardon me, untruth. Lie.

I'm sure it was unintentional. Not the sign of any deep-seated issues or fundamental brokenness. Happnes to everyone. Not to worry.
2.21.2009 12:29am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

But you and your wife would certainly be allowed to attend most gay weddings, so it'd be entirely your choice not to attend.
I've never been invited to a gay wedding. Then again, homosexuals who get married are actually pretty darn scarce. Even when we lived 45 miles north of San Francisco, in a community that was very gay friendly, I can't recall a single adult same-sex couple that we had any social contact with--and we knew a pretty diverse crowd. One family had a mother who had snake idols (some sort of New Age thing) in the kitchen. Another family had a Buddhist/Jewish/New Age father and a syncretic Jewish/Christian/Buddhist/Taoist mother. We had contact with Hindu families; grossly alcoholic families; hedonistic singles; ascetic singles. There were probably some discrete homosexuals that we knew, but no couples.
2.21.2009 12:32am
Sarcastro (www):
I respect free blacks, just as I respect alcoholics and adulterers.

I just think they would be happier and better taken care of if they worked in my cotton fields.

I have friends that are free and black, and I know them as intelligent, war people I am proud to know. But that doesn't mean I must approve of everything they do - like not working in my cotton fields.
2.21.2009 12:32am
jab:
Question for Gay Republican,

Clearly I am a gay liberal. I have a sincere question.
Why do you feel it is easier for you to be a gay Republican rather than a gay conservative Democrat? In the Democratic party, you don't have to defend your humanity... so you could focus on pushing the party to more free-market economics (or whatever your favorite conservative policy is). Why do you think it's easier for you to try to shift the GOP left on social issues rather than the Democratic party rightward on economic issues?
2.21.2009 12:34am
Sarcastro (www):
intelligent, WARM people.

Jeez.
2.21.2009 12:34am
John Moore (www):
jab

To me, "respect" implies that you fully accept the humanity of an individual... and the core of one's humanity is the ability to love and be loved.



You are clearly defining "respect" to be "acceptance" of a particular personal characteristic. That is not a normal definition.

I can respect your reasoning, your compassion, your creativity, your humanity, and still not approve of your sexual behavior. I can enjoy your company and speak highly of you to others, and still not approve of your sexual behavior or life partner choices. I can dislike that behavior without demanding any government actions to discourage it. I can recognize that your sexual identity is effectively hard wired, and still not think government should grant you marriage equal to heterosexual marriage.

And, I can still respect you.
2.21.2009 12:35am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

There, Clayton, is at least one rather major distortion. Pardon me, untruth. Lie.
I've read two different news accounts. One only mentioned a complaint with the civil rights division. The other news report (and these were both from mainstream news media) indicated that the civil rights division was challenging their tax exempt status.

If this isn't correct, provide evidence otherwise. I notice that you aren't actually saying what the situation was. Why?
2.21.2009 12:35am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):

I have friends that are free and black, and I know them as intelligent, war people I am proud to know. But that doesn't mean I must approve of everything they do - like not working in my cotton fields.
I wasn't aware that being black was a behavior.
2.21.2009 12:39am
GayRepublican (mail):
Jab,

Probably because I'm libertarian on some issues (gay rights, gun rights, economic freedom, first amendment applies to corporations and campaign money) and conservative on others (abortion, death penalty), so overall, I agree a heck of a lot more with the Republicans than with the Democrats.

I look at it like this. If I agree with the Republicans 90% of the time and the Dems 10% of the time, then doesn't it make the most sense for me to fight to change that 10% of the platform?

Also, by being openly gay in the Republican party, I have been able to change quite a few minds on the issue of homosexuality being a choice. Sure, not all of those people support gay marriage yet, but as I'm sure you know, it takes time for people to go from recognizing that homosexuality is OK to fully supporting equality. I think of it as planting a seed.
2.21.2009 12:42am
Clayton E. Cramer (mail) (www):
jab writes:

In the Democratic party, you don't have to defend your humanity.
You keep talking about defending your humanity. No one is denying that homosexuals are humans. Perhaps you are confusing your humanity with your sexuality. For most people, sexuality is merely one part of being human. The crowd that does street festivals such as "Up Your Alley," on the other hand, behaves as though their sexuality (and really gross stuff--ejaculating from upper story windows on the crowd in the street below, peeing on each other in public) is the sum of their humanity.
2.21.2009 12:42am
jab:
Mr. Moore,

I would understand your point of view if being gay was just another "personal characteristic."

I personally believe that our ability to love, to be loved, our sexuality, is not just another "personal characteristic," but it goes to the very core of us being human. For heterosexuals, it is a mjor part of your identity, but only because you are in the vast majority, you actually don't have to think about it...

Honestly, I was an evangelical christian in college (believe it or not), trying to suppress my feelings... i remember a number of occasions where I was walking down the street or across campus... a cute guy would catch my eye, I would stare for a couple of seconds, and then I would catch myself and spiral into depression that could last for weeks on end, ashamed... before I knew it, I got used to walking with my head down, never making eye contact or looking at people... do you have a clue what living like that is?
We are creatures hard-wired to love and be loved... it is not just a minor personal characteristic that you can overlook or merely tolerate.
2.21.2009 12:46am
GayRepublican:
"do you have a clue what living like that is? "

Mr. Moore may not, but I sure do. Hugs.
2.21.2009 12:48am
Richard Aubrey (mail):
Instead of "respect", how about "ignore"?
2.21.2009 12:50am
jab:
Gay Republican,

I may disagree, but I can respect policy differences... I guess for me personally, I would rather be accepted on my identity and fight 90% policy than vice versa. But I am glad you are different and willing to fight on the other side.

I look forward to the day that being gay is like being left handed... then we can get back to "merely" fighting over policy.

Incidentally... I have changed my mind on issues, so I am open... for example, I switched from being pro-bilingual education to being pro-immersion because of intelligent debate with conservatives.
2.21.2009 12:52am
Jon Rowe (mail) (www):
On a related note, YouTube now has audio files of one of the most important gay conservatives, Allan Bloom, lecturing on Nietzsche. Bloom was in the closet and supported a socially conservative politics that was often hostile to homosexuality. (Bloom mentored Alan Keyes; though that's nothing to be proud of.) Yet, from reading Ravelstein (Saul Bellow's firsthand account of Bloom's life) Bloom had no problem whatsoever with his homosexuality and was quite frank with various friends in his inner circle about homosexuality. Bloom was a fervent atheist who thought no true philosopher could believe in God.

Bloom, in "The Closing of the American Mind" criticized many of the "groups" that social cons go after -- the leftist identity politics activist of the feminist and racial vein. He rarely criticized gay groups, however. Homophobe (and fellow Straussian) Harry V. Jaffa called him out on this.

Though Bellow noted in Ravelstein that Bloom had no sympathy for "gay pride" or gay identity politics.

Ultimately as a someone profoundly influenced by Nietzsche, I think Bloom saw a place for "conflict" or "cognitive dissonance" in one's mind and soul as something that contributed to human acheivement. Bloom, using Nietzschean terms might say inner "chaos" contributes to true "creativity," (of the profound, not the superficial sense).

In the audio lecture Bloom discusses what true "creativity" is. In Closing, he notes, after Nietzsche, it's not something ordinary people are. A finger painter is not "creative." Rather, geniuses like Raphael are.

I've also noticed, after Bruce Bawer, that a disproportionate number of homosexuals (particularly homosexual males) seem to be genius creative types who have disproportionatelt built the "Canon" of Western Civilization. See Bawer's article on the matter which discusses Bloom.
2.21.2009 12:55am
jab:

"do you have a clue what living like that is? "

Mr. Moore may not, but I sure do. Hugs.


LOL... yeah, I figured you would understand that ;)
I think it's very difficult for people not in that situation to even comprehend the psychological damage that does to someone in the long-term.
2.21.2009 12:59am
Wondering!:
I respect free blacks, just as I respect alcoholics and adulterers.

I just think they would be happier and better taken care of if they worked in my cotton fields.

--------

dude, are you on drugs, or just f**ked up? may be a lame attempt at a joke?!
2.21.2009 1:04am
GayRepublican:
Jab,

Well, yes, we all share the supression part of it, but the turning evangelical christian and then coming to terms with our homosexuality part of our stories is not something that all gays share, so that's really what I was getting at. I'm still a Christian, but obviously not a self-loathing one anymore.
2.21.2009 1:06am
GayRepublican:
Wondering!,

It's Sarcastro. I don't think he has ever been serious. I personally think his attempts at humor and sarcasm are annoying, but others here seem to love it.
2.21.2009 1:08am
jab:
GayRepublican,

Are you in a gay-friendly church, or is it like you being in the GOP, "planting seeds" in a non-gay friendly church?

Me, I grew up Catholic (practicing), and was rebaptized as an evangelical christian (was in InterVaristy in college)... though I no longer consider myself Christian anymore... more like an agnostic who is back to being open and searching...
2.21.2009 1:16am
GayRepublican (mail):
Jab,

Non-denominational, gay-friendly Christian church is what I attend. I think politics and religion are two very different things, and so, no, while I'm certainly willing to debate other christians in person and on the Internet about homosexuality, I don't think it's a wise spiritual choice to be a member of a congregation that is anti-gay.
2.21.2009 1:21am
Grover Gardner (mail):

It’s easier to be gay among conservatives than it is to be conservative among gays.


"...as long as I'm not too gay."
2.21.2009 1:28am
Putting Two and Two...:
Let me get this straight. You brought up "evidence", have now offered two quite different versions of it, now cover yourself by claiming to have only read two unspecified news accounts from two unspecified "mainstream" sources, and you want me to do leg-work?

Sorry. Not playing. After all, it's Friday night. There are illicit drugs to be taken and orgies to attend. Or maybe I'll just finish the latest Grisham. The gay lifestyle... so many temptations.
2.21.2009 1:29am
Jon Rowe (mail) (www):

I wasn't aware that being black was a behavior.


Being black per se isn't a behavior (just as having a homosexual orientation isn't a behavior). However being involved in an interracial relationship is as much of a behavior as homosexuality is. Arguably more so because there seems to be no "orientation" for people to be attracted to other races, not your own. However to the extent that there might be, that would make bans on interracial relations all the more cruel. Thus, stigmatizing homosexual relations is crueler than stigmatizing interracial relations.
2.21.2009 1:30am
Brian K (mail):
I learned that "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me." But perhaps I'm not as oversensitive a soul as you are. If you can't handle a difference of opinion, you need to live in a police state where differences of opinion are suppressed.

you clearly use an eccentric definition of "leave alone". you also should check you reading glasses...they are so strong you are able to read things that i never wrote. either that or you just like to make things up to denigrate people whose views you don't like.


No, I respect gays who don't think that acting like a nasty stereotype makes them authentic, and don't insist on flaunting their homosexuality.

thank you for confirming my characterization of your argument as accurate. it's always nice to know i'm right. i wonder how many times you've claimed of people flaunting their straightness?
2.21.2009 1:33am
Brian K (mail):
Also, by being openly gay in the Republican party, I have been able to change quite a few minds on the issue of homosexuality being a choice.

this statement implies to me that a lot of the anti-gay from conservatives stems from fear and ignorance and not on any rational basis. if it was the latter it wouldn't be so easily changed.
2.21.2009 1:42am
Anon1111:

It's Sarcastro. I don't think he has ever been serious. I personally think his attempts at humor and sarcasm are annoying, but others here seem to love it.


Really? "Love it"? Seriously?
2.21.2009 1:45am
Putting Two and Two...:
Seriously! But what do I know, I'm fundamentally broken.
2.21.2009 1:47am
GayRepublican (mail):
"this statement implies to me that a lot of the anti-gay from conservatives stems from fear and ignorance and not on any rational basis. if it was the latter it wouldn't be so easily changed."

I'd say that's a pretty fair description.
2.21.2009 1:50am
GayRepublican (mail):
Anon,

OK, OK, fair point. Not everyone here loves it, but enough seem to that it encourages him to continue. I've read far too many comments that are basically "Sarcastro wins the thread!" or something equally as absurd. That kind of reaction just makes him do it over and over again.
2.21.2009 1:52am
Redlands (mail):

I'm sorry but I call B.S.
If, as he claims, the vast majority of conservatives have no problem with gays, then explain the hyperventilating over including gays in the institution of marriage?



jab, not sure about anyone else but I unscientifically believe that children develop better when raised by a man and a woman, because each has something to teach that the other cannot, hopefully in a stable marriage. Pass the pretzels, please.
2.21.2009 1:55am
Grover Gardner (mail):

High substance abuse rates in the gay community have been a subject of enormous study for decades.


This is true. But can you offer us a cite for any conclusive results?
2.21.2009 2:02am
GayRepublican (mail):
I really don't get what a high substance abuse rate in the gay community is supposed to prove anyway. Is it supposed to be proof that accepting your sexuality supposedly makes you unhappy and seek easy fixes?

I think it has far more to do with the way society treats homosexuality than anything else. When everyone says you're trash and incapable of forming loving, healthy relationships, it's hard not to let that affect your life.
2.21.2009 2:12am
Grover Gardner (mail):

jab, not sure about anyone else but I unscientifically believe that children develop better when raised by a man and a woman, because each has something to teach that the other cannot, hopefully in a stable marriage. Pass the pretzels, please.


Here in Oregon they pass the meth and the alcohol. Must be the heavy concentration of gay parents.
2.21.2009 2:13am
eyesay:
Clayton E. Cramer wrote
It [homosexuality] makes them people who do things of which I don't approve.
That's the problem right there. People have a basic right to pair up as they like (with limited exceptions of incest) and have their pair relationship given all of the standard marital benefits, including inheritance of property, pension, and Social Security. You may not approve of hang gliding, but as a matter of public policy, we don't discriminate marital benefits against hang gliders, and we should't discriminate marital benefits against homosexuals.
I don't ask them to change (although many of them can)
The evidence on using psychological techniques to convert homo to hetero shows that it rarely works and to the extent that it does, it's rarely permanent.
but I do insist that they not use the government to force me to change.
Nobody is forcing you to change. Please explain how the marriage of a lesbian couple raising three children "forces you to change."
2.21.2009 2:18am
John Moore (www):

"do you have a clue what living like that is? "

Mr. Moore may not, but I sure do. Hugs.


No, I have not had to go through that. It doesn't sound like a lot of fun.

I don't dismiss the difficulties homosexuals face, and unlike some, I don't deny that many male homosexuals could not change their orientation even if they wanted to. In that sense, I view homosexuality as an affliction. Many of us are afflicted with varying issues that affect our lives, and gays, as has been demonstrated here, are too.

Furthermore, as Jon Rowe points out, gays have made great contributions (look at the tragedy of Alan Turing). Is there something about gayness that leads an increased incidence of special abilities? It's possible.

However, many gay activists have behaved despicably. In the 80's, radical gay activists caused the tragic deaths of tens of thousands with their irresponsible advocacy and denial. The blackmailing of the blood donation clinics by San Francisco gays in the '80s was an act of pure terrorism.

The Orwellian insistence that homosexuality is as normal as left-handedness is pernicious. Left handed people still write, but homosexual sex does not produce offspring. The odious use of the term "homophobe" to refer to those who oppose gay policies or disapprove of homosexuality is offensive.

The demands for full "equality" are based on the incorrect application of all the features of the civil rights movement to "gay rights."

The coercion of various civic organizations because they do not fully accept gay "equality" has been destructive. The Boy Scouts have been significantly harmed; churches have been viciously attacked and vandalized; the military is under threat of forced gay integration. The asserted right of gay couples to have and raise children is potentially dangerous.

Notice that all that I listed above are acts of advocacy, not acts of love or sex. To object to these actions, to condemn some of them and fight others, is not the same as condemning gays.
2.21.2009 2:26am
eyesay:
Clayton E. Cramer wrote
Once you define gay marriage as identical to straight marriage, all sorts of private firms are thus obligated to grant equivalent benefits.
Exactly! Just like, once we defined heteroracial marriage as identical to homoracial marriage, this meant that heteroracial couples got to be treated just like homoracial couples.
Once you put that into law, a company that doesn't will be sued into non-existence--which is, after all, one of the objectives.
The objective is not to shut down companies. The objective is to treat homosexual marriages the same as we treat heterosexual marriages, just as we treat heteroracial marriages the same as we treat homoracial marriages.
2.21.2009 2:26am
John Moore (www):

The objective is to treat homosexual marriages the same as we treat heterosexual marriages, just as we treat heteroracial marriages the same as we treat homoracial marriages.


Which clearly highlights two of the problems with the gay advocacy:

1) The objective is to COERCE those companies via government power.

2) This is based on the utter fallacy that discriminating against gay behavior is equivalent to discriminating on the basis of race.
2.21.2009 2:43am
Dilan Esper (mail) (www):
By the way, gay marriage isn't just about taxes and social security. It's also about tons of other benefits that are denied or made burdensome for gay couples. One obvious one is immigration of your partner to the u.s.

You could create a civil union that was completely equal to marrriage, but lo and behold, the christian right opposes that too. They want the government to punish gays and force them either into the closet or into straight lives.
2.21.2009 2:45am
John Moore (www):

You could create a civil union that was completely equal to marrriage, but lo and behold, the christian right opposes that too. They want the government to punish gays and force them either into the closet or into straight lives.


Objection: Over-generalization, stereotyping, mind-reading. As a member of the Christian right, I support many aspects of civil union (not including child rearing). It has nothing to do with punishment or forcing people into the closet or to be straight.
2.21.2009 2:49am
eyesay:
John Moore wrote
The Orwellian insistence that homosexuality is as normal as left-handedness is pernicious. Left handed people still write, but homosexual sex does not produce offspring.
For horses, the purpose of having sex really is producing offspring, and wild mares have sex maybe once a year or two. For humans, if the primary purpose of sex were producing offspring, we would have sex two or three times in our lives. But most humans have sex many times every year, including during lactation and after menopause, when there is little or no chance of producing offspring. This demolishes the theory that for humans, the primary purpose of sex is producing offspring. In fact, for humans, the primary purpose of sex is forming, celebrating, reaffirming, and strengthening emotional pair bonds. There may be advantages to the entire community to have a certain percentage of the men and women forming homosexual rather than heterosexual pair bonds. For example, a man without children may be willing to risk his life to fight off the lion. In modern times, homosexual men often have careers in theatre, music, and the arts, and we all benefit from their creative contributions. A whole generation of Americans learned to appreciate classical music because of Leonard Bernstein. Is it possible that whatever caused him to be gay also gave him the gift of making great music accessible to young people?
the military is under threat of forced gay integration
which hasn't caused any problems in Israel, which has near-universal participation in the military, nor in the UK or any of the rest of the civilized world that made this transition years ago.
asserted right of gay couples to have and raise children is potentially dangerous.
Automobiles are also dangerous, and kill thousands of innocent Americans every year. Tobacco kills hundreds of thousands, and that's legal too. I'm not aware of anybody who died of two-mommy-itis; the danger is community hate, not the homo nature of the parents.
Notice that all that I listed above are acts of advocacy, not acts of love or sex.
Not true: marrying and raising children is and act of love. Like a fish unaware of the water, you're so immersed in your prejudice that you're oblivious to it.
2.21.2009 2:55am
Nick056:
Sarcastro is often vox clamintis in deserto.

We haven't really discussed the piece Todd posted. GayPatriot simplifies too much. In my experience -- and he writes nothing that contradicts or even complicates this -- gay people in gay social settings are more likely to alienate a few Republicans in their midst than conservatives are likely to alienate a few gays in their midst. On the other hand, I really don't think you're liable to be attacked in a gay social setting for certain beliefs you hold or policies you advocate, only if you're seen as being an "R" partisan.

And meanwhile, conservatives on the issue of homosexuality are frequently very respectful toward homosexuals -- so long as that homosexual does not talk about his romantic relationships as being the moral or political equivalent of heterosexual relationships. At that point, I've seen very few social conservatives fail to alienate the speaker.

So, really, it's unsurprisingly a wash. It's a rare group of gays who won't make the lone Republican feel strange and alien, and it's a rare group of conservatives who will listen thoughtfully and silently, seeing no need to object, if a homosexual in their group suggests that his relationships aren't less moral than theirs.
2.21.2009 3:00am
eyesay:
John Moore wrote
You could create a civil union that was completely equal to marrriage, but lo and behold, the christian right opposes that too. They want the government to punish gays and force them either into the closet or into straight lives.
Objection: Over-generalization, stereotyping, mind-reading. As a member of the Christian right, I support many aspects of civil union (not including child rearing).
John, Dilan Esper was exactly right, and you just proved it. You oppose not only actual marriage, you oppose an equivalent-to-marriage under the name "civil union." You admit that you don't think gay couples should be allowed to rear children. That means that the government police have the right to take children away from homosexuals. Since you don't accept the right of homosexual couples to raise children, by your own standards, the government should take away the children from a mother who forms a union with a woman after her husband (the father) dies. And then you have the audacity to say
It has nothing to do with punishment or forcing people into the closet or to be straight.
2.21.2009 3:06am
Grover Gardner (mail):

In that sense, I view homosexuality as an affliction.


But it doesn't have to be, John.


However, many gay activists have behaved despicably.


So have many black activists, pro-life activists, pro-religion activists, etc. etc. etc. I assume you find this a good reason to discriminate against these groups as well.


Left handed people still write, but homosexual sex does not produce offspring.


Not all left-handed people produce off-spring. So what?


The Boy Scouts have been significantly harmed


How?


churches have been viciously attacked and vandalized


Only by gays?


the military is under threat of forced gay integration.


So?


The asserted right of gay couples to have and raise children is potentially dangerous.


How so?


To object to these actions, to condemn some of them and fight others, is not the same as condemning gays.


When you concoct a list of vague or bogus "ills" and crimes supposedly brought on by gays, you're pretty much condemning them for no good reason.
2.21.2009 3:16am
Grover Gardner (mail):
By the way, John, "lefties" have been historically discriminated against, despite the fact that they still write and produce offspring. In fact, if you were to watch how my left-handed sister holds her hand as she writes, you'd see one of the classic signs of ignorance about teaching penmanship to left-handed children.
2.21.2009 3:27am
eyesay:
John Moore wrote
This is based on the utter fallacy that discriminating against gay behavior is equivalent to discriminating on the basis of race.
Discrimination on the basis of race is based on (a) prejudice or (b) bizarre and now discredited interpretations of ancient texts. Discrimination against gay behavior is based on (a) disgust that heteros feel about the idea of themselves doing it, or (b) the bizarre belief that a book allegedly dictated by an invisible man in the sky to a bearded man on a mountain on an intercontinental peninsula is binding in its rules on what not to do with penises and vaginas, but irrelevant in its prohibitions on eating pigs, arthropods, or mollusks. If it's disgusting to you, don't do it, but don't waste your brain cycles fretting about the behavior of your neighbors who find your penis-vagina proclivities to be as disgusting as you find their proclivities. The utter fallacy here is claiming that your prejudices are more rational than those of generations gone by who believed that interracial sex was somehow disgusting or against God's law.
2.21.2009 3:35am
Perseus (mail):
"Believe it or not, it is actually possible to be against causes like gay marriage while appreciating and respecting gay individuals."

No, it's not.


Many "queer theorists" would beg to differ.


What it is that they offer to a gay couple instead of marriage?

Why do people think they are entitled to government handouts?
2.21.2009 4:17am
man from mars:
Conservatives generally support a judicial philosophy faithful to the text being interpreted. Conservatives generally oppose rulings like In re Marriage Cases, where the California Supreme Court purported to find the right to same-sex marriage embodied in the California Constitution, because they believed the California Constitution contained no such right.

Conservatives are generally antagonistic towards courts' reading of statutes and constitutions that are based on the political preferences of the court members rather than the text of the documents.

The reason for this is that the conservatives do not view texts as oppressing minorities; they view texts as protecting them. Judicial holdings that substitute political for textual considerations wind up harming the politically disenfranchised or unpopular. Because gays are a numerical minority, a judicial philosophy that allows the constitution or a statute to be disregarded for the sake of political expediency has a far greater likelihood of harming than of helping gays.
2.21.2009 5:03am
flipflop (mail):
I came out at fifteen. I am thirty three now and am a closeted conservative. Unfortunately, a big part of the conservative movement is still overrun by wacko Christian theology and judgment and it's hard to be on the same side as some of the people that spew their ignorance and hate everywhere. At the same time, it's hard to side with my own people because gays can be militant extreme wackos too. Can't we just all be humans? Call it something other than marriage if it will make the straight people happy, but don't tell me I have no family ties to my husband just because you don't like us.
2.21.2009 7:17am
bikeguy (mail):
Slightly modified:

Unfortunately, a big part of the conservative gay movement is still overrun by wacko Christian theology queer theorists and judgment and it's hard to be on the same side as some of the people that spew their ignorance and hate everywhere. At the same time, it's hard to side with my own people because gays some Christians can be militant extreme wackos too. Can't we just all be humans?
2.21.2009 8:12am
pluribus:
Clayton E. Cramer:

I have my opinion, you have yours. There's no need to drag the government into this.

What is your position on the Defense of Marriage Act, on California Proposition 8, on the proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage throughout the US? Isn't that "dragging government into this"?
2.21.2009 8:37am
pluribus:
jab:

I think Obama is lying. I believe he has no problem with gay marriage. Same with Hillary. Same with Bill. Same with Kerry. Same with Edwards. I think the vast majority of the Democratic leadership are lying... they personally have no problem with it. But they are calculating... that you just can't win a national election right now and openly say it... so they wink, and they nod, and they hope gay people suck it up and understand... and the vast majority do.


I understand your point, jab, but I do not think that Obama is "lying." I believe that he has said he believes marriage "should be" between a man and a woman. What is the foundation for that belief? Very likely it is policy, rather than a deep moral aversion to gay marriage. There are good reasons for a mainstream politician whose goal is to achieve the support of a majority of the voters to voice such a policy position. Policy positions are, of course, subject to change, particularly if (or I would prefer to say when) public opinion changes (as it is in the process of doing right now).
2.21.2009 8:45am
pluribus:
Clayton E. Cramer:

But most of what is driving this insistence on same-sex marriage is a desperate desire for proof that homosexuality is perfectly fine, just like any other way of living, no problems whatsoever.

This focuses on the real issue. Those who argue that recognition of same-sex marriage is an attack on heterosexual marriage, or would "damage" or even "destroy" the traditional institution of marriage, are either disingenous or mistaken. Recognition of same-sex marriage would, as you say, constitute some sort of approval of same-sex marriage. But, as you yourself point out, you can distinguish between your relations with gay people and your own opinions about their conduct. If you lived in Massachusetts or Connecticut, where same-sex marriage is (I believe) recognized, you would still be free to disapprove of it. Your conscientious right to regard it as immoral would not be compromised. You would not be required to participate in a same-sex marriage or to attend one. You would not be required to be friendly with people who have contracted same-sex marriages.

I think same-sex marriage is required on the simple basis of equality. The government, which defines and regulates marriage in great detail, confers benefits on and exacts duties of married persons, should treat all people equally. Gays are people just as much as straights. They pay taxes and are required to obey the laws, the same as straights. They fight for their country, and die for their country on the battlefield. The government should treat them equally. And the clearest and most obvious way of teating people equally, absent some compelling reason not to, is to treat them the same.
2.21.2009 9:09am
pluribus:
John Moore:
Government is "government of the people, by the people." Forcing "the government" to accept the ideology of gay equivalency is forcing the people to do so.
2.21.2009 9:12am
studentactivism.net (www):
What's missing in all this (as far as I can tell -- at a certain point I started skimming the thread) is a recognition that whatever ease gays have around conservatives exists only because of limitations on conservatives' political power.

Fifty years ago, you could be imprisoned or institutionalized for being gay. You could be jailed for hanging out with gays. You could lose your business if that business catered to gay people. Forget having any job security, or any recognition for your relationships, or any social deference to your life choices except in the most anomalous subcultures. To be gay or lesbian in the United States fifty years ago was to live in fear of disclosure and persecution.

Most of that has changed. But it has changed despite conservatives, not because of them. To a large degree it has changed over the vocal and forceful opposition of conservatives. It has changed because conservatives' power has waned, because conservatives' power has been constrained, and because conservatives have realized that most Americans don't agree with their most anti-gay positions. And yes, it has changed because many conservatives have become less hostile to gays and lesbians, buoyed along by a broader cultural transformation that they did not initiate.

To the extent that it is easy to be a gay person among conservatives today, that is because of the weakness of traditional conservative values in American society today. The idea of conservatives as second-class citizens, deprived of basic civil rights, is a right-wing fever dream. That of gays and lesbians being deprived of basic civil rights is a matter of historical record.

The Gay Patriot has his ease because his side has been defeated in a thousand hard-fought struggles over the last half-century.
2.21.2009 9:12am
pluribus:
John Moore:

Government is "government of the people, by the people." Forcing "the government" to accept the ideology of gay equivalency is forcing the people to do so.

Taken to its logical concolusion, this argument would compel you to oppose any law that offends your personal morality. Divorce is regarded by the Catholic church as a serious moral offense, yet the laws of all of the states recognize divorce, enforce it with the full panoply of the laws and domestic relations courts. This was not always the case, of course. In Italy and Ireland in recent times, divorce was absolutely forbidden because it offended the morality of most of the people. Many people believe that drinking alcoholic beverages is immoral. Many states (and at one time the laws of the entire United States) forbade this "immorality." Yet it is today generally sanctioned by the law. Keeping the sabbath was at one time a very important moral duty in the United States, strictly enforced by law. It no longer is enforced by the law, though there are still many people who believe it is sinful not to keep the sabbath. I personally believe that it is immoral to "take the name of the Lord thy God in vain," yet I recognize that the law does not condemn the practice, and that many people do it routinely, and I don't believe that the law should forbid them from doing this. We have many moral beliefs, conscientious scruples, that govern our lives, but we do not expect them to be embraced by the whole community, nor do we have a right to demand that the government condemn them with the full force of the law, because we realize there are others who do not share our personal beliefs. If the law sanctioned same-sex marriage, all who oppose it on moral grounds would still be free to oppose it on moral grounds--but not to enlist the help of the government, acting with the full force of the law, in enforcing their moral beliefs on others.
2.21.2009 9:26am
pluribus:

What it is that they offer to a gay couple instead of marriage?

Perseus:

Why do people think they are entitled to government handouts?

Equal treatment under the law is not a "handout." Brown v. Board of Education was not a "handout." Legal recognition of gay marriage would no more be a "handout" than is legal recognition of straight marriage.
2.21.2009 9:34am
W.D.:
I think many here are missing the utter banality of the thesis. Ideological groups often welcome the occasional contrarian from the groups they despise, as long as they tow the ideological line where it counts. It lends a superficial credibility to their cause.

Anti-war groups love to have veterans joint their ranks. Socialist movements welcome any son of privilege who's seen the light about capitalism. It's easier to be a Jew among holocaust deniers than vice versa. Recall that Ahmadinejad feted a rabbi (with what could be called unconventional views) to his Holocaust denial confab recently, to show he really didn't have anything against Jews per se. Democrats love to have a mavaricky repub fronting their agenda, and vice versa. Cf. Lieberman, McCain (in certain incarnations), and the Tennessee state legislature.

In other words, if you're down with the cause (and at least keep your mouth shut about the anti-gay parts), of course you're going to be welcomed. You're useful. And you're going to be despised by the gay community, for the same reason.
2.21.2009 10:30am
Andy Bolen (mail):
as long as they tow the ideological line where it counts.

Heh.
2.21.2009 10:36am
Sagar:

Call it something other than marriage if it will make the straight people happy, but don't tell me I have no family ties to my husband just because you don't like us.

civil unions?
2.21.2009 11:15am
Captain Obvious:
Granting marriage rights to gay couples would yield some benefits to gay couples (e.g., taxes, inheritance rights), and it could cause some problems for groups that oppose homosexuality (e.g., religious charities).

Fundamentally, however, at its core the gay marriage debate is about the normalization of homosexuality. As a society we've moved from discrimination against homosexuals (even violence in some cases) to widespread tolerance, but we haven't yet moved to full normalization.

The concerns about visitation rights, what sort of couple is fit to raise children, and even free speech are all tangential to the normalization battle going on right now
2.21.2009 11:27am
ArthurKirkland:
For anyone who feels sorry for those who don't attend church:

If you try to stop feeling sorry for me, I will try to stop feeling sorry for adults who claim to believe that one fairy tale is true (to the exclusion of the other fairy tales, of course).

And, while I am at it, I will try to resist the strong temptation to believe that many people who today claim to 'respect gays but merely draw the line at gay marriage' are the politically and socially cornered heirs to those who eagered barred gays from many aspects of employment, public service, social interaction and the like for many years.
2.21.2009 11:35am
PeterWimsey (mail):
Trad and anon basically nailed it way upthread. In the Northeast and places like California - where conservatism has little to do with religious conservatism, and is also beleaguered - conservatives do tend to be fairly gay-friendly.

On the other hand, in the bible belt conservatism is dominated by religous conservatives, opposition to "the homosexual agenda" is a major tenet of conservatism and can't really be ignored.
2.21.2009 12:18pm
Guest12345:
People have a basic right to pair up as they like (with limited exceptions of incest)...


I'd like to see any supporting evidence of this. Particularly that there is something magic about "pair" vs., say, more than a pair. Also I'd like to see any justification denying incestuous relationships the exact same rights you are asking for gay relationships.
2.21.2009 12:31pm
jr565 (mail):

People have a basic right to pair up as they like (with limited exceptions of incest) and have their pair relationship given all of the standard marital benefits, including inheritance of property, pension, and Social Security. You may not approve of hang gliding, but as a matter of public policy, we don't discriminate marital benefits against hang gliders, and we should't discriminate marital benefits against homosexuals.
Why are you limiting it to "pair" relationships and why are you restricting incest? Should people who want harems but pay their taxes be discriminated against in any way? And who are you to judge interfamilial love? Maybe you're as bigoted in your lack of support for incest as others are in their lack of support for gay marriage?
2.21.2009 12:36pm
jr565 (mail):

People have a basic right to pair up as they like (with limited exceptions of incest) and have their pair relationship given all of the standard marital benefits, including inheritance of property, pension, and Social Security. You may not approve of hang gliding, but as a matter of public policy, we don't discriminate marital benefits against hang gliders, and we should't discriminate marital benefits against homosexuals.

Further, you are suggesting that we SHOULD discriminate against incest and deny basic rights to pairs. To follow up your question, you may not approve of incest, but as a matter of public policy we don't discrminate marital benefits against hanggliders, and we shouldn't discriminate against gays, and we (following your logic) shoulnd't discriminate marital benefits against incest.

Why are you such a hateful bigot?
2.21.2009 12:45pm
Randy R. (mail):
"The coercion of various civic organizations because they do not fully accept gay "equality" has been destructive. The Boy Scouts have been significantly harmed; churches have been viciously attacked and vandalized; the military is under threat of forced gay integration. The asserted right of gay couples to have and raise children is potentially dangerous."

So basically, gays are so horrible that we will infect the military, destroy the Boy Scouts, and ruin churches. And yet John Moore just can't understand why he doesn't respect gays!

If the military is "forced" to accept gays (actually, the military has no problemwith gays serving, as long as they remain closeted), how has it harmed such militaries as Israel, Canada, Britain, and Australia, all of whom have gays serving openly?

Your only answer is that gays are *inherently* bad -- that are very existence is a threat to straight marriage, the military, churches, and so on. That isn't respect -- its' contempt.
2.21.2009 1:02pm
Randy R. (mail):
What I always find amazing is the argument that gays want their relationships "normalized" in our society. Somehow, that is supposed to end the argument.

My question: Why are you so terrified that gay relationships would be normalized?

to a large extent, our relationships already are. I can take my boyfriend to many social and professional functions and we are accepted as a couple. Many newspapers carry gay marriage or civil union announcements. IF gays can get married everywhere, and that 'normalizes' our relationships throughout society, what's the problem?

Are you really afraid that if gay relationships are normalized that it will somehow affect you? How? You are going to leave your wife and marry a man, just because I do? Your children will grow up gay just because they see me?

Sorry, but whether gay relationships are normalized or not, I see absolutely no reason why straights have anything to worry about .
2.21.2009 1:09pm
jr565 (mail):
Jab wrote:

If you don't think two consenting adults who love each other, and want to care for and be responsible for each other in a committed, monogamous relationship don't deserve to be included in marriage, then no, no you don't respect them.


Jab, one of the things that I find disingenous about this argument is that you are arguing a false absolute - that namely society must accept and condone any and all relationships so long as they are consensual and between adults.
But take incest. If a father loves his daughter and wants to marry her (and raises her to accept incest as normal and ok) when she turns 16 can you think of one reason why that should be judged as improper. You might say its disingenous to compare incest to gay marriage, but I'd argue based on how you are arguing FOR gay marriage its perfectly reasonable to compare, because a consensual incestual relationship meets the criterion you set in your argument. Namely they are consenting and love each other. Can you find an objection then to say that incest shouldn't be allowed, or that those who want to marry within the family should be denied benefits? Are incestual relationships incapable of love. If people are hardwired to be loved are they incapable of finding said love in their parents or children? And wouldn't you be a bigot therefore to have any reservations about incest based on your own reasoning?
Further, why are you limiting your acceptable relationships to couples? Are three people of whatever persuasion not hardwired for love and incapable of getting love from more than one person? Everyone is hard wired to be loved whether they want to be libertines or chaste, monogomous or swingers. But that doesn't mean that its in societies interest to promote any and all types of relationships as the norm. If you want to say that society can place absolutely zero restrictions on marriage whatsoever (therefore there is no reason to discriminate against polygamy incest underage marriage harems, what have you then argue that.


They accept me as a human being, they accept that I am hard-wired to love and be loved, and all they care about is that whoever I end up with with treat me with love and respect. Period. [/blockquote]

our capacity to love and be loved is really what separates us from other animals (along with intelligence and self-awareness).

but when it comes to sexual orientation, I guess I am unforgiving... my humanity is not up for debate.
How is that different from narcissism? Do people have to love you unconditionally or they are hate mongers? The qualities you point out (the capacity to love and be loved, being hard wired to be loved and be loved is a universal condition and no one can deny anyones humanity if they are living and breathing. So you just described every living person on the earth. That doesn't mean though that every behavior under the sun should be tolerated or promoted does it?
2.21.2009 1:26pm
jr565 (mail):
Jab wrote:

If you don't think two consenting adults who love each other, and want to care for and be responsible for each other in a committed, monogamous relationship don't deserve to be included in marriage, then no, no you don't respect them.


Jab, one of the things that I find disingenous about this argument is that you are arguing a false absolute - that namely society must accept and condone any and all relationships so long as they are consensual and between adults.
But take incest. If a father loves his daughter and wants to marry her (and raises her to accept incest as normal and ok) when she turns 16 can you think of one reason why that should be judged as improper. You might say its disingenous to compare incest to gay marriage, but I'd argue based on how you are arguing FOR gay marriage its perfectly reasonable to compare, because a consensual incestual relationship meets the criterion you set in your argument. Namely they are consenting and love each other. Can you find an objection then to say that incest shouldn't be allowed, or that those who want to marry within the family should be denied benefits? Are incestual relationships incapable of love. If people are hardwired to be loved are they incapable of finding said love in their parents or children? And wouldn't you be a bigot therefore to have any reservations about incest based on your own reasoning?
Further, why are you limiting your acceptable relationships to couples? Are three people of whatever persuasion not hardwired for love and incapable of getting love from more than one person? Everyone is hard wired to be loved whether they want to be libertines or chaste, monogomous or swingers. But that doesn't mean that its in societies interest to promote any and all types of relationships as the norm. If you want to say that society can place absolutely zero restrictions on marriage whatsoever (therefore there is no reason to discriminate against polygamy incest underage marriage harems, what have you then argue that.


They accept me as a human being, they accept that I am hard-wired to love and be loved, and all they care about is that whoever I end up with with treat me with love and respect. Period. [/blockquote]

our capacity to love and be loved is really what separates us from other animals (along with intelligence and self-awareness).

but when it comes to sexual orientation, I guess I am unforgiving... my humanity is not up for debate.
How is that different from narcissism? Do people have to love you unconditionally or they are hate mongers? The qualities you point out (the capacity to love and be loved, being hard wired to be loved and be loved is a universal condition and no one can deny anyones humanity if they are living and breathing. So you just described every living person on the earth. That doesn't mean though that every behavior under the sun should be tolerated or promoted does it?
2.21.2009 1:26pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
Of course its easier, US conservatives would prefer to pretend that gay people don't exist. When a trait you have is ignored its easy to get along.

Try bringing your same-gender spouse to a conservative gathering, or talk about why you think even conservative gays should have an equal right to license the civil contract of marriage and see how 'easy' the interactions become.
2.21.2009 1:27pm
ChrisTS (mail):
To John Moore, although others have weighed in:

Respecting an individual and respecting a specific aspect of their life (in this case, their sexual preference), are not the same thing.

Sexuality is not an 'aspect of one's life;' it is a fundamental element of one's identity. Furthermore, your comment reveals that, in fact, you do not respect gay people: you respect some people and hope to overlook that some of them are gay.

In that sense, I view homosexuality as an affliction.

Wow. I regard prejudice and bigotry as afflictions. Unlike homosexuality, they are other-regarding afflictions.

The Orwellian insistence that homosexuality is as normal as left-handedness is pernicious. Left handed people still write, but homosexual sex does not produce offspring.

This would be unworthy of one of my undergraduates. For the analogy to be even useful, it would have to work thusly: Left handed people write, but homosexuals do not have sex. Aside from the absurdity of the analogy, of course, is the missing premise in your 'argument' -that 'sex' is/should be only undertaken in order to procreate. Then, you would have to address the wealth of bio-evolutionary evidence that homosexuality is common anomg mamals and seems to serve ends other than direct reproduction. Oh, and you might want to say something about the meaning of sex among humans, which certainly seems to extend beyond evolutionary influence.

This is based on the utter fallacy that discriminating against gay behavior is equivalent to discriminating on the basis of race.

A claim cannot be fallacious in itself. It may be true or false or poorly evidenced. What you should say, here, is that you disagree with the claim. Then, you should provide an argument/evidence for denying the claim. By the way, asserting that the claim is false because you think it is false is not good argumentation.
2.21.2009 1:35pm
jr565 (mail):
Bob Van Burkleo wrote:

Try bringing your same-gender spouse to a conservative gathering, or talk about why you think even conservative gays should have an equal right to license the civil contract of marriage and see how 'easy' the interactions become.

What you're describing though is an interaction where you are deliberately starting a debate or argument with someone to get a reaction. of course those wont be easy interactions. But is that particular to the gay marriage debate alone?if you are ardently pro life and go into a prochoice rally (or vice versa) and start arguing the evils of abortion or the pros of non abortion do you think the interactions will be easy?
2.21.2009 1:37pm
ChrisTS (mail):
Rats: mammals

And, by way of a P.S.:

Perhaps some conservatives, even many, are comfortable with gays and lesbians. Kudos; back-patting all around.

But the hostility and venom so consistently directed at gays and lesbians in posts to this and other predominantly conservative blogs do not seem evident on blogs mostly frequented by liberals. Does this suggest that liberals are generically more wonderful than conservatives? No. But, it does suggest that liberals are less likely to be hostile to gays and lesbians than conservatives.
2.21.2009 1:43pm
Ken Arromdee:
I respect free blacks, just as I respect alcoholics and adulterers.

I just think they would be happier and better taken care of if they worked in my cotton fields.

I have friends that are free and black, and I know them as intelligent, war people I am proud to know. But that doesn't mean I must approve of everything they do - like not working in my cotton fields.


"I respect supporters of the Iraq war. I just think it would be better for everyone if they didn't want innocent Iraqis dead in the name of US imperialism.

I have friends who support the war in Iraq, and I'm proud to know them. But that doesn't mean I must approve of them supporting mass murder."

Surely a conservative doesn't think that gay marriage causes any more harm than a liberal thinks the war in Iraq causes. Yet liberals have no trouble having friends who support the war in Iraq. It actually is possible to think that someone is doing wrong, and still be friends, and it's not like thinking they should be slaves.

Of course, this all started because a lot of liberals aren't like that at all, and won't be friends with conservatives, but surely it's possible?
2.21.2009 1:55pm
studentactivism.net (www):
Try bringing your same-gender spouse to a conservative gathering, or talk about why you think even conservative gays should have an equal right to license the civil contract of marriage and see how 'easy' the interactions become.

What you're describing though is an interaction where you are deliberately starting a debate or argument with someone to get a reaction.


In other words, JR, you consider someone introducing his husband to his friends as "deliberately starting a debate or argument."

"Greg, I'd like you to meet my husband, Dan." That's a provocation to you. Got it.
2.21.2009 1:55pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
[b]What you're describing though is an interaction where you are deliberately starting a debate or argument with someone to get a reaction.[/b]

Yes that's why you bring your spouse along with you to a dinner or a social gathering 'to deliberately start a debate'.

Thanks for proving that its only easier to get along with conservatives is by pretending you effectively aren't gay.
2.21.2009 1:58pm
RWC:
I still dont see the problem with accepting homosexuals but not supporting gay marriage. I support women, but dont believe they should be on the front line of any war.

I recognize women are not second class citizens, but I'm not so delusional as to think women are the same as men.

Somebody commented that marriage shouldnt be religious, and instead should be civil between consenting adults. The problem with that is marriage was at one time civil, and supported by the government in an effort to create good citizens.

Obviously not all married couples have children, and the importance of society promoting new generations of good citizens isnt as important as it once was, but is it not still important?

I hate long comments because I believe comment sections are better used for questions and answers, so I'll stop here.

I guess my question is, why to be equal does something have to be the same? Why do apples need to be oranges before they get equal shelf space at the grocery store?
2.21.2009 1:59pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
I guess my question is, why to be equal does something have to be the same?

An ironic question and tangential to this thread I would think so I won't answer it directly. But according to jr565 merely expressing it or its inverse is being provocative and looking for a 'debate'.

I wonder how many conservatives that avoid any 'debates' and merely say 'I'm a conservative' have any significant problem with liberals either? If the 'discussion' never goes beyond saying 'I'm gay', 'I'm conservative' or 'I'm liberal' and then dropped who does run into problems?
2.21.2009 2:09pm
John Moore (www):
@eyesay
John, Dilan Esper was exactly right, and you just proved it. You oppose not only actual marriage, you oppose an equivalent-to-marriage under the name "civil union." You admit that you don't think gay couples should be allowed to rear children. That means that the government police have the right to take children away from homosexuals. Since you don't accept the right of homosexual couples to raise children, by your own standards, the government should take away the children from a mother who forms a union with a woman after her husband (the father) dies.


Again, mind reading. It does not follow that I believe the government should take the actions you say.

In that sense, I view homosexuality as an affliction.

But it doesn't have to be, John.


Agreed. Many homosexuals are perfectly happy.

Discrimination against gay behavior is based on (a) disgust that heteros feel about the idea of themselves doing it, or (b) the bizarre belief that a book

Well, at least we have the "homophobia" hypothesis directly stated. (a) may be true for some people, but is not the general case. (b) is an offensive statement of the belief that some people have. You are missinc (c) and (d)...

The utter fallacy here is claiming that your prejudices are more rational than those of generations gone by who believed that interracial sex was somehow disgusting or against God's law.

Simple biology puts a lie to that assertion.

@studentactivism.net
What's missing in all this (as far as I can tell -- at a certain point I started skimming the thread) is a recognition that whatever ease gays have around conservatives exists only because of limitations on conservatives' political power.

You are implying that today's conservatives would use government to persecute gays. If that were true, they would also not be folks that gays would be at all comfortable around. Hence your assertion fails.
Taken to its logical concolusion, this argument would compel you to oppose any law that offends your personal morality.

Only if one has the belief that government should be used to enforce all of one's personal morality. Part of modern conservatism is the recognition that government should not be over-used. Progressives have demonstrated a strong tendency to outlaw behavior with which they disapprove (c.f. U.S. Prohibition).

@PeterWimsey
On the other hand, in the bible belt conservatism is dominated by religous conservatives, opposition to "the homosexual agenda" is a major tenet of conservatism and can't really be ignored.


Don't confuse opposition to "the homosexual agenda" with an intolerance of gay individuals.
2.21.2009 2:15pm
trad and anon (mail):
The idea that the UVa Federalist Society is remotely representative of conservatives generally is just silly.
And of course the same surmise could be made about liberals, so your point is irrelevant.
The fact that the same point could be made about liberals doesn't negate my point at all. My point is that what GayPatriot really means is that it's easy for GayPatriot to be gay among the conservatives GayPatriot knows than it is for him to be conservative among the gays he knows. In reality, those groups aren't representative of anything other than the people GayPatriot happens to know. The UVa Federalist Society is particularly unrepresentative of conservatives, since it comprises only law students at a top-10 law school in the upper South who are interested in spending their time in an overtly political organization.
the military is under threat of forced gay integration.
Huh? The military is currently under the reality of being forced (by statute) to kick gays out.
Conservatives are generally antagonistic towards courts' reading of statutes and constitutions that are based on the political preferences of the court members rather than the text of the documents.
Oh, that explains why conservatives support the small-single-digit-number rule for punitive damages and constitutional restrictions on "regulatory takings." They're right there in the text of the Constitution!
2.21.2009 2:21pm
jr565 (mail):
Bob wrote:
Y

es that's why you bring your spouse along with you to a dinner or a social gathering 'to deliberately start a debate'.

Thanks for proving that its only easier to get along with conservatives is by pretending you effectively aren't gay.


Bob, that was in reference primarily to this quote from you " talk about why you think even conservative gays should have an equal right to license the civil contract of marriage". If you are going to argue a point then you should expect people to argue with you if they disagree with the point. And if you're going to a conservative party and introducing yourself and your bf and then launching into a discussion about the merits of gay marriage that is being deliberately provocative. Just as if you went into a Move On. Org meeting wearing an "I voted for Bush" button and start talking about the merits of ehanced interrogation techniques. Right or wrong or whether you agree with it or not, I can't imagine that there wouldn't be some arguing involved
2.21.2009 2:22pm
Andy Freeman (mail):
> You brought up "evidence", have now offered two quite different versions of it, now cover yourself by claiming to have only read two unspecified news accounts from two unspecified "mainstream" sources, and you want me to do leg-work?

We're still waiting for support for your claim that Cramer has misstated the facts.

It appears that you've conceded his accounts of the other incidents.
2.21.2009 2:25pm
John Moore (www):
@Randy R
advocatesSo basically, gays are so horrible that we will infect the military, destroy the Boy Scouts, and ruin churches. And yet John Moore just can't understand why he doesn't respect gays!

You conflate gays with gay activists.

Regarding the military, the close living and young age of the participants makes it an environment of high sexual tension. The introduction of women demonstrated the problem this caused (but the substantial increase in the pool of available candidates made it worth it). Open gays would be a greater problem. That doesn't mean the military would fold up and die, but it would be an issue. The number of gays is not enough to significantly increase the recruiting pool.

The Boy Scouts have been under continuous attack by gay activists and their allies. As just one example, the gay mayor of Tempe, AZ required that United Way not contribute to the BSA because of their stance on admitting gays. The slightly religious nature of Boy Scouts has been used as a lever, by gay activists, to force them off public lands where they have been for years (San Diego).

Gay activists have been very hostile to churches, engaging in vandalism and other acts of anti-religious bigotry.
Your only answer is that gays are *inherently* bad --.... That isn't respect -- its' contempt.

And that statement is so incorret as to be idiotic.

Sexuality is not an 'aspect of one's life;' it is a fundamental element of one's identity. Furthermore, your comment reveals that, in fact, you do not respect gay people: you respect some people and hope to overlook that some of them are gay.


Nonsense. Again. I don't overlook the gayness of people I respect.
2.21.2009 2:29pm
Guest12345:

Furthermore, your comment reveals that, in fact, you do not respect gay people


What I don't understand is why there are so many posters on the gay side of this discussion that have repeated the flawed argument that they get to define how other people feel. It sounds like a seven year old child telling her mother "you don't love me unless you buy me a pony." Just some sad and pathetic attempt at emotional blackmail.

The fact is, Jesus Bob can respect Gay Nancy without feeling any responsibility to do Nancy's laundry, even though Nancy would really like Bob to do her laundry. No matter how much Nancy wants to say otherwise, in the end it is up to Bob to define his feelings.
2.21.2009 2:34pm
GayRepublican (mail):
"In other words, if you're down with the cause (and at least keep your mouth shut about the anti-gay parts), of course you're going to be welcomed. You're useful. And you're going to be despised by the gay community, for the same reason."

BS. I am openly gay and speak out about gay issues and am still treated with respect by many of my fellow Republicans.

I do get much more hate from the gay community in general for being a republican than I do from republicans for being gay. Now, the smart homos change their minds once they talk to me and realize that I'm openly gay and a supporter of gay rights. The stupid ones are too busy trying to prevent their tiny brains from exploding to say much of anything except "OMG, traitor!"
2.21.2009 2:35pm
Al (mail):

Try bringing your same-gender spouse to a conservative gathering...


Bob, that's a great idea...you might be surprised by the reaction. We've had gay couples at "conservative" gatherings, including my brother in law and his partner and some parents of my kids' friends, and everyone seemed to get along fine. Do you think that maybe you are projecting a bit?
2.21.2009 2:35pm
Randy R. (mail):
Cramer WAS indeed misstating the facts. The actual facts are these:

"In NJ, the beaches are considered public. The Methodist church group that bought that land (and the gazebo in question) did so with the provision that it would remain publicly accessible. Further, the tax exempt status of the land is conditional on it being publicly accessible.

Since this land was bought from the state and given tax-exempt status on the condition of it remaining publicly accessible this ruling is consistent and this couple (and any other couple regardless of creed or orientation) has the right to rent it for whatever purposes they see fit. Otherwise the current owners are in violation of both the original purchase agreement and their tax-exempt status.

As part of maintaining the public accessibility of the land, the church had allowed anyone who wanted to use the property to do so, regardless of whether or not the usage was religious in nature. The had even allowed non-religious weddings to be held there. As noted in the Box Turtle Bulletin, however, following the request by the lesbians to use the pavilion,…the Association had changed their policy and tightened the purpose of the Pavilion. They no longer allowed weddings in the space at all and limited those who were allowed use of the space based on religious affiliation."

Clayton always omits facts whenever he tries to prove the tryanny of gays.
2.21.2009 2:35pm
trad and anon (mail):
Gay activists have been very hostile to churches, engaging in vandalism and other acts of anti-religious bigotry.
Anti-religious bigotry? The only people I've ever seen that from are extremely strident atheists like Richard Dawkins and Christopher Hitchens. From gay activists all I've seen is hostility towards particular religions that promote hatred and intolerance of gays.

I am sure, however, that many gay activists have been very hostile to (some) churches and there have been at least two instances of vandalism of anti-gay religious institutions by gay activists. "Bigotry" I will not concede.
2.21.2009 2:37pm
Guest12345:

But the hostility and venom so consistently directed at gays and lesbians in posts to this and other predominantly conservative blogs do not seem evident on blogs mostly frequented by liberals.


Huh? What hostility and venom? Disagreement is not hostility or venom.
2.21.2009 2:37pm
studentactivism.net (www):
You are implying that today's conservatives would use government to persecute gays. If that were true, they would also not be folks that gays would be at all comfortable around. Hence your assertion fails.

Many of today's conservatives would certainly use government to persecute gays. A Gallup poll last summer found that 40% of Americans think it should be illegal to be gay, and support for gay rights correlates strongly with one's overall political views.
2.21.2009 2:40pm
Randy R. (mail):
John Moore: "You conflate gays with gay activists."

The fact is that virtually all gay people support serving openly in the military, marriage rights (or at least civil union rights), laws prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation, and that in general we are entitled by law to all the same rights striaghts have.

Therefore, all gays are gay activists.

"Open gays would be a greater problem. That doesn't mean the military would fold up and die, but it would be an issue"

It hasn't been an issue in any country that changed to allow gays to serve openly. Even Powell and Nunn realize that the current policy needs to be revisited, and many retired military personnel believe gays can serve openly. Additionally, the DADT is only sporadically enforced, and gays are currently serving openly in many units with no ill effect.

"The Boy Scouts have been under continuous attack by gay activists and their allies. As just one example, the gay mayor of Tempe, AZ required that United Way not contribute to the BSA because of their stance on admitting gays."

Nope. The Boy Scouts of America *officially* discriminate against gays in their policy. No gay boy can be a member of the BSA, and the BSA will not hire anyone who is gay or allow them to play any role.

That's perfectly fine. Many churches have a similar policy, and they have not been 'attacked.' However, when the BSA wants preferential treatment form the city (as in Philly), access to tax dollars, or access to donations, in jurisdictions that prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation, then yet, they will have a problem. but the problem isn't 'gay activists', the problem is that the Boy Scouts are asking to have their cake and eat it too. They want all the benefits of a public charity but exemption from public laws.

In BSAv. Dale, the BSA argued that it was a *private* organization, and as such, not subject to laws regarding discrimination of sexual orientation. SCOTUS agreed, and ruled in their favor.

Sorry, but if they want exemption from public laws, then they have to be exactly what SCOTUS ruled them to be, a private organization. But if you are a private organization, then you don't have access to the public treasury, or public donation of funds.
2.21.2009 2:46pm
studentactivism.net (www):
The fact is, Jesus Bob can respect Gay Nancy without feeling any responsibility to do Nancy's laundry, even though Nancy would really like Bob to do her laundry. No matter how much Nancy wants to say otherwise, in the end it is up to Bob to define his feelings.

Setting aside the use of the name "nancy" to represent the gay person in this example, Guest is getting at the heart of the issue here.

If you believe that my most profound emotional connection with another human being is sinful, or that it is aberrant, you may well believe that you are being respectful to me. You may well manage to overcome your distaste enough to treat me with cordiality. But on some fundamental level you are disrespecting who I am.

The respect that the supporters of gay rights are talking about in this thread is the respect shared between equals, the respect shared between people whose judgments of each other are grounded in common values. It is that respect that is lacking here.
2.21.2009 2:49pm
Randy R. (mail):
Al: "Bob, that's a great idea...you might be surprised by the reaction. We've had gay couples at "conservative" gatherings, including my brother in law and his partner and some parents of my kids' friends, and everyone seemed to get along fine."

Possibly. But living here in Washington,I know of quite a few gays who work for conservative organizations, and they must remain closeted for fear of losing their jobs.

I have never heard of a gay person working for a liberal organization who has had such fear, at least not in over 15 years.

So, although there are no doubt *some* conservative organizations that have no problem with gays, and probably a few liberal ones that do, the overwhelming evidence is that conservative groups *in general* have more a problem with gays than liberals do.
2.21.2009 2:50pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
Do you think that maybe you are projecting a bit?

No, I don't and I do note you put 'conservative' in quotes? Are we talking about your backyard gatherings, or a Republican caucus dinner? I ask because I know that conservatives get along fine at many "liberal" gatherings I've attended.

The slightly religious nature of Boy Scouts

That's like being a little bit pregnant isn't it? Private religious organizations like the Boy Scouts of America of today live by different rules from the public accommodation BSA of old and they don't qualify in the same way in many civic arenas as they used to. You don't see DeMoley, Baptist Youth Fellowship or other private religious youth groups getting special access and special treatment do you?
2.21.2009 2:54pm
Gov98 (mail):
I am loathe to commment on such threads because the threads are about as valuable as evolution/creation threads, which is to say not. And yet...The prudent man sees danger ahead and hides himself while the naive proceed and pay the penalty.

There was a discussion earlier about respect, and that to respect someone is to respect their deepest person and part of that is one's expression of love. Let's assume the premise then, that to respect someone is to respect their deepest person, doesn't it follow then that the activist who is telling a religious person that their faith is a fairytale, or their "prejudice" is based on a book by the "invisible man" in the similar vein a huge lack of respect? Is not our faith beliefs some of the deepest parts of us, and to many deeper even than our expressions of love to other humans.

If this is the case it seems that it is not respecting the religious person by saying that their faith is misguided or foolish or superstition, and should be ignored. HOWEVER, I do not think that is the proper measure of respecting a person.

The idea of respecting a person's humanity is key. That is a fundamental, you must not dehumanize the person you disagree with. Their disagreements are personal and deep within them. To tell the other, that they are homophobic or anti-religious should be done very slowly and very softly.

So, can one respect another and state that I understand that you believe that your relationship is the same as a heterosexual relationship, but I disagree, I think there are fundamental differences, based on biology, but also based upon my understanding of the stable ordering of society. I do not think that two people of the same sex should be able to marry.

Similarly, can another respect one and state that they understand that in your deepest person your respect the Bible as the Word of God, that it orders your life and you find deep meaning in it, but that they do not agree with what the Bible has to say and choose to reject it.

Absolutely, I think both are ways to respect the other person and yet still disagree.

There are ways to disagree with a person that does not respect their humanity, they are extremes and they are disrepectful.

To say that the faithful is an idiot or mocks by referencing the "flying spaghetti monster" is hardly respectful, nor is the person who claims that the person who is in a same-sex relationship is should be ignored.

Neither is respectful...but we should be able as people to respectfully disagree, but it seems that we are less able to do this than in the past. The political is more and more personal.
2.21.2009 2:57pm
Randy R. (mail):
GayRepublican: "I do get much more hate from the gay community in general for being a republican than I do from republicans for being gay. Now, the smart homos change their minds once they talk to me and realize that I'm openly gay and a supporter of gay rights. "

Fair enough. However, even a gay republican like David Catania felt he was forced to leave the party based on its anti-gay stances in the past eight years.

I think the problem most liberals have is with the Repulican party itself. The party platform is clearly against gay rights of any kind: It is against SSM and civil unions, and hate crimes bills, and ENDA, against gays in the military, and so on. The Repubs in the last eight years did everything to marginlize gays -- remember when Margaret Spellings at Education was against any information about gays on their website? As though gay students dont' exist! Furthermore, I can't think of a single openly gay Republican politician -- do you seriously think none exist?

So, we wonder, how can you support an organization that is so fully committed to treating you worse than a second class citizen? Heck, even David Catania, a young and effective repub here in DC was forced to leave the party.

I can understand that a person would supprot lower taxes, smaller gov''t and all that traditional conservatism. And sure, people high up in the party might even invite you to their cocktail parties and allow you to bring your boyfriend. But if you asked them to support you in your request to get married, they will tell you to get lost. Am I right? If not, help me out.
2.21.2009 2:59pm
Randy R. (mail):
Gov 98: Well said. However, I believe that the person who was saying that religion is fairy-tales was using that as an example, that IF we were to say that you, it would certainly be disrepectful, despite however civil we are to you. So clearly, you understand that.

"I think there are fundamental differences, based on biology, but also based upon my understanding of the stable ordering of society. I do not think that two people of the same sex should be able to marry. "

Then your understanding is incorrect. In all places where SSM is legal, which include Massachusetts, CT, Spain, S. AFrica, The netherland, Beligium, Denmark, there is no evidence that SSM has caused any sort of an unstable society. If you have evidence to the contrary, please bring it out.

Furthermore, there are a great many gay couples who have children, through various means, including adoption. You are arguing that somehow the children are better off with unmarried parents than with married parents. I would argue that having unmarried parents is far more distabling than having married ones. Or don't you agree?

Furthermore, as gays getting married represent only a very tiny number of people compared with society at large, then society is far more unstable that we believe if those few couples can somehow knock the whole thing down. And that isn't because of us, it's because of you. So please don't put the blame upon us for society's ills.
2.21.2009 3:07pm
studentactivism.net (www):
Gov98, I think there's a lot of merit to the comparison you draw, but there's a fundamental difference between the two examples of respectful disagreement that you put forward.

The respectful atheist doesn't believe in using the power of the state to reduce religious people to second-class status.

That's it in a nutshell. Saying, "I acknowledge your right to marry, but my faith doesn't permit me to solemnize your union" is respectful. Saying "I oppose the extension of the legal rights that my relationship enjoys to yours" is not.

Opposing same-sex civil marriage on religious grounds is disrespectful to gay people in loving committed relationships in exactly the same way that opposing civil divorce on religious grounds is disrespecful to the unhappily married.
2.21.2009 3:11pm
Randy R. (mail):
Furthermore, if you want a stable society, then it would be far better to recognize and honor our commitments as much as you honor and recognize straight ones. Why? Because too many people enter marriages who are in fact gay, but they hope that somehow getting married will 'cure' them of their 'affliction" (as some people label us), or that this is what society wants, or this is what is expected of them.

And of course, it's a disaster for everyone. It's a disaster for unsuspecting spouse who gives up his or her life for a lie, it's a disaster for the kids and for the related families. How would you feel if you had a daughter who married a guy who was really gay? If you want to see what happens, then look at Ted Haggard. Or Larry Craig. In other words, you have gay men in marriages having sex with on the side. Don't beleive me? check out any Craigslist, and you will find plenty of men who say they are married and are looking for a sexual tryst with a man. And those are just the ones who admit it! THIS is your definiation of a stable society? Unbelievable....

Wouldnt' you rather have gays realize that being gay is perfectly okay, normal, and approved of so that they can live their lives as gay people, instead of gay people pretending to be straight?

And the only way that will happen is if society honors and respects gay relationships as much as they do heterosexual ones. Now, as you and many others argue, heteresexual relationships are 'better'. And so long as you think that, then your gay son or nephew will be trying to have the 'better' relationship instead of the correct relationship. How that makes for a more stable society, I don't know.
2.21.2009 3:15pm
Mac (mail):
studentactivism.net wrote,

Fifty years ago, you could be imprisoned or institutionalized for being gay. You could be jailed for hanging out with gays. You could lose your business if that business catered to gay people. Forget having any job security, or any recognition for your relationships, or any social deference to your life choices except in the most anomalous subcultures. To be gay or lesbian in the United States fifty years ago was to live in fear of disclosure and persecution.


Uh, could you provide some proof that this was going on 50 years ago, at least on the vast scale you claim?

Here is my problem with gay marriage. I am not sure that we really know how one's sexuality is formed. Certainly, I accept that for some, it is something they are born with. However, I do not think that is the case in all or perhaps even most instances. This is such a polarizing issue, one cannot trust the science as any scientist who suggests anything gays don't like is going to be vilified and have his life made miserable, possibly lose his job or at least his funding. This persecution is a case of gays saying "Do as I say, not as I do".

I object to gay marriage because when it is approved, then it must be incorporated into all public school curriculum as an equal alternative to heterosexual marriage.

As one who has raised children, there are many times in their young lives when friendship with one of the same sex can seem so much easier than dealing with learning to get along with the opposite sex and so much more appealing when the need for love and acceptance is so strong, as it is in teen years.

I object to gay marriage because I don't think it is good for society to confuse the entire issue of sexuality at too young an age. Also, as a parent, I did not want to have to discuss certain issues of sexuality at an age when children are simply too young to comprehend them. And, we are not doing too well in the last 50 years with our notion that a single mother is just as good as a mother and a father. Children of single mothers have vastly more problems, overall, than those who have a father and a mother. We have had this system for child rearing pretty much since our cave days. Are you sure that overthrowing natural order of things is not going to result in many unintended negative consequences? I am not.

I am all for civil unions. I really don't care what anyone does in their bedrooms as long as it is between consenting adults. I just believe that gay marriage is too high a price to pay for confusing our kids and having a gay lifestyle rammed down their throats as it would be in every classroom in this land. If I had a gay kid, fine. I would love and accept him/her. But, I would like to think that is was fate rather than choice that led the child to that decision. It is hard to be gay, even with gay marriage, it would still be hard.

So, go ahead and call me a homophobe and a hater because I differ with you and have serious concerns about children and the forcing of this in the public education venue from kindergarten on up. Obviously, good people can't agree to disagree.

Also, I have met very, very few Liberals who are accepting of the expression of an opposing political viewpoint. I am not misguided, but rather I am evil if I disagree along with all others who disagree with them. There is precious little tolerance that I have found among Liberals in accepting a diversity of ideas.
2.21.2009 3:20pm
Gov98 (mail):
Randy R.:

If I may just refer to Zhou Enlay's statement "too soon to tell." At the same time, I don't think SSM will do more damage than our society is already travelling on generally destabilizing marriage.

I don't think SSM is a cause to an unstable society, frankly I don't. I do think however, that moving away from what marriage really is, does disorder society. And I do think that no fault divorce as it has been done over the past 40 years has caused a great deal of social disruption and disordering of society. As well as the redefinition of "love."

That has caused a redefinition of marriage from a sacred union to a contract of convenience. And that is what is destructive. Additionally, I would agree that single parenthood, is more distabling to society than other forms of parenthood. And yet, I would still say that parenting by mom and dad is the best form of family. Let me say assuredly that the blame for society's current ills lay nowhere near the feet of people who are or choose same-sex relationships.

I view gay marriage (forbear with the analogy) as the congestion you get from a flu, it is not the cause of the flu, it is not that bad of a part of it at all, (that's probably the headache, runny nose, fever, etc.), it is nevertheless a symptom. But at the same time, I am told that I cannot take medication for the congestion because the majority is not willing to go to the doctor for the vaccine.

I agree it is not fair, but it is neither fair to me or to you. It is...what the majority appears to accept however, and that is our system of government.
2.21.2009 3:27pm
Gov98 (mail):
Student Activism,

I disagree with your distinction as to suggest that a lack of SSM places a person into a "second-class status."

A lot of baggage or emotion comes from the word marriage, and it is that simple. Marriage is a union, that I believe, created by God to show the way in which two distinct persons form one union, two different persons and types man and woman, come together to form the married whole.

Civil Unions, squares the circle for myself, and probably for many, it accomplishes the equality of legal rights, but does not define marriage as that fundamentally I think it is not.
2.21.2009 3:38pm
John Moore (www):
@Randy R
Therefore, all gays are gay activists.

Nope. Support and activism are not the same thing. Certainly a large percentage of gays seem to support the same goals as gay activists, but how many support the more extreme means?
They want all the benefits of a public charity but exemption from public laws.


Thank you for showing exactly the problem. By using the government to enforce a moral code that homosexuality cannot be discriminated against, gay activists are harming very valuable organizations such as the Boy Scouts. The Boy Scouts don't want to be exempt from the laws - they disagree with those laws

Gay rights laws have already forced Catholic Charities of Boston (serving since 1903) to shut down. - because otherwise they would be forced to provide adoption services to gay couples, which is against their religion.

If a religious excemption existed in those laws, these organizations could continue to provide their valuable services - even while controversially denying them to a small minority.

@Bob Van Burkleo
The slightly religious nature of Boy Scouts...You don't see DeMoley, Baptist Youth Fellowship or other private religious youth groups


That's like being a little bit pregnant isn't it?


The Boy Scouts do not have a religious creed or text - just one non-denominational statement: "To do my duty to God and my country." That is about as marginally religious as you can get. It certainly says nothing about what that duty is.

@Gov98

Well said and correct.
2.21.2009 3:39pm
studentactivism.net (www):
Mac responded to the post in which I wrote:
Fifty years ago, you could be imprisoned or institutionalized for being gay. You could be jailed for hanging out with gays. You could lose your business if that business catered to gay people. Forget having any job security, or any recognition for your relationships, or any social deference to your life choices except in the most anomalous subcultures. To be gay or lesbian in the United States fifty years ago was to live in fear of disclosure and persecution.

By asking:
Uh, could you provide some proof that this was going on 50 years ago, at least on the vast scale you claim?

I didn't make any claims about scale. Repression doesn't need to be ubiquitous to make people live in fear, it just needs to be severe and unpredictable.

As for my specific claims, a lot of what I had in mind was the police harassment of gay bars that led to the Stonewall riots in 1969. Before Stonewall, gay bars were essentially the only public gathering places open to openly gay people and their friends, and those bars were regularly raided by the police. Anyone inside, gay or not, was likely to be taken to jail in the course of one of those raids, and bars were often shut down as a result.

If you'd like specific documentation of any of my statements, just let me know which ones.
2.21.2009 3:52pm
Guest12345:
Setting aside the use of the name "nancy" to represent the gay person in this example, Guest is getting at the heart of the issue here.


Whether anyone chooses to believe or not, I intended Nancy to be a woman, not to make a derogatory remark re. gay men.
2.21.2009 3:55pm
studentactivism.net (www):
Gov98, marriage isn't presently a solely religious institution in the US, and nobody is arguing that religions should be forced to solemnize marriage. Marriage is a civil institution, and supporters of same-sex marriage are looking for civil equality.

On the question of whether civil unions are a route to such equality, the New Jersey example strongly suggests that they are not. In the two years since civil unions were initiated there, thousands of incidents of public and private entities refusing to recognize such unions as the legal equivalent of marriage have been documented. The institution of marriage holds a unique position in our civic life, and unless same-sex marriages are called marriages, they will never be equal.

As you yourself suggest, if civil unions do not "accomplish the equality of legal rights," same-sex couples are reduced to second-stats status. The evidence I have seen strongly suggests that they do not.
2.21.2009 3:57pm
John Moore (www):
@studentactivism.net
Gov98, marriage isn't presently a solely religious institution in the US, and nobody is arguing that religions should be forced to solemnize marriage. Marriage is a civil institution, and supporters of same-sex marriage are looking for civil equality.


Because of the pernicious effects of forcing recognition of full equivalence between gays and straights (see my post above), civil unions seem the right way to address the some of the important needs of gay couples.

Because the civil unions would NOT be equivalent to civil marriage, the obstacles such as you point out, could be dealt with by individual statutes defining the scope of rights of those unions.

That would allow reasonable exceptions (such as a religious objection of a charity to provide services to gay couples but not straight couples) to be legislated. Furthermore, by doing this on a state-by-state basis, it would allow different forms to be developed, leading to an ability to better distinguish the most appropriate, and allowing them to be matched to local culture.
2.21.2009 4:25pm
Randy R. (mail):
Gov98: "That has caused a redefinition of marriage from a sacred union to a contract of convenience. "

And this is exactly what gays are asking for -- to get marriage back to a sacred union between two people. surely, you have no problem with that?

"If I may just refer to Zhou Enlay's statement "too soon to tell."

Possibly. But so far, there is no evidence, as you no doubt will concede because you have brought up none. But at what point will SSM be evidently harmful to society? 5 years from now? 10? 50? And when you have to go THAT long to prove it's harm, then it will likely be more confluence of various issues so many and so large that you will have a very difficult time proving that SSM had anything to do with it. And to deny the right of marriage to people on such speculative arguments is just wrong.

"I view gay marriage (forbear with the analogy) as the congestion you get from a flu, it is not the cause of the flu, it is not that bad of a part of it at all, (that's probably the headache, runny nose, fever, etc.), it is nevertheless a symptom."

Well, that's a strange analogy. So SSM is simply the sympton of what? You fail to say. And in any case, your analogy is clearly stating that SSM is somehow bad, but you can't quite articulate why.

I understand people have gut feelings about issues. But people had gut feelings that interracial marriage was bad for society 40 years ago. At the time of the Loving decision, about 80% of people were against interracial marriage. In the meantime, all society has moved on -- in your view, then, is interracial marriage a flu-like symptom of something worse? Has it stablized or destablized society?

You see, when forced to think about the issue, you have already backed off your statement that SSM destablizes society. Before, you said it did, now you say it doesn't. I'm sure that if you live in MA for a while, you will come to realize what the majority of people there have concluded, which is that SSMis not a problem.

Moore: ". Support and activism are not the same thing. Certainly a large percentage of gays seem to support the same goals as gay activists, but how many support the more extreme means"

What are those 'extreme means? " You mean like voting, lobbying our officials, donating money to non-profits? Because that's about as extreme as any activists do.
2.21.2009 4:29pm
Randy R. (mail):
Moore: "Gay rights laws have already forced Catholic Charities of Boston (serving since 1903) to shut down. - because otherwise they would be forced to provide adoption services to gay couples, which is against their religion. "

Wrong again. The CC were not forced to shut down at all. If you actually read the facts instead of reading the propaganda printed by anti-gay organziations, you would learn a few things.

First, CC of Boston had no problem placing adoptions with gay parents for many years. Then when SSM was approved, they suddenly decided that gay couples are good enough, so they stopped. Meanwhile, CC was a recipient of state funds for their adoptions. Turns out that MA also has a law the prohibits discrimination based on sexual orientation. So, the state gave CC a choice: either comply with the law, or don't, but then you can't get any state funds.

CC could have done either, and still placed adoptions. But instead, they choose to shut down voluntarily. The fact is that the shutting down was never one of the options that the state gave CC. So, no, you can't blame gays for that one.

"By using the government to enforce a moral code that homosexuality cannot be discriminated against, gay activists are harming very valuable organizations such as the Boy Scouts. The Boy Scouts don't want to be exempt from the laws - they disagree with those laws "

Yup. And many aspects of our society have concluded that discrimination based on sexual orientation is wrong, just like discrimination based on race, or religion is wrong. That no doubt hurts many organizations and people who really DO want to discriminate against blacks, or jews, or gays. Disagree with those laws? Then it's your right to vote against them.

Look, John. This whole argument started because you said that you 'respect' gays, but that you don't think we should have very many rights. All your posts have taken the side of the anti-gay rhetoric. Furthermore, you keep arguing for the right of organzations and people to discriminate against gays. Which is fine, but then it makes it very difficult for us to square with your statement that you 'respect' gay people. Generally speaking, it's hard to respect people that you think should be discriminated against.
2.21.2009 4:58pm
Randy R. (mail):
Moore: "Because of the pernicious effects of forcing recognition of full equivalence between gays and straights (see my post above)"

But that's the problem: There ARE no pernicious effects! They are only made up in the minds of the anti-gay crowds. EVEN if you still accept the falsity that MA somehow forced CC to stop adoptions, that had nothing to do with SSM, and everything to do with anti-discrimination laws.

Even in places were SSM is allowed, no church has been forced to recognize or conduct a SSM. Furrthermore, every single anti-discrimination law specifically exempts small businesses and religious institutions.

"That would allow reasonable exceptions (such as a religious objection of a charity to provide services to gay couples but not straight couples) to be legislated. "

You still don't get it. Any religious institution CAN object to providing services to gay couples if they choose. What they cannot do is then ask for public funds to do so. Is that not reasonable? Most taxpayers do not like their funds going to organizations that discriminate.

It's just like the arguments of private clubs several decades ago. They were private organizations, andy many discriminate based on race, religion, or sex. so the gov't simply said that you cannot claim a tax deduction for membership in clubs that discriminates. So the clubs had a choice — either end the discriminatory policies, or continue them, but then members dont' get a tax deduction. Although most went with the former, many still went with the later. To me, that's perfectly reasonable. Why you don't believe so, I don't know, but I suspect it's because you want any organization to be able to discriminate against gays and still have all the benefits.
2.21.2009 5:07pm
Randy R. (mail):
"If you'd like specific documentation of any of my statements, just let me know which ones."

I would suggest you don't, or else Michael B will arrive and hurl insults at you for doing just that. Some people get very defensive when you talk about how straights have acted towards gays in the past.

For specific documentation,read The Gay Metropolis. It's a large book that specifically goes decade by decade the condition of gay society in a larger straight society. It has plenty of examples of police raids, their failure to investigate crimes committed against gay men, the legal system, etc.
2.21.2009 5:11pm
John Moore (www):

CC could have done either, and still placed adoptions. But instead, they choose to shut down voluntarily. The fact is that the shutting down was never one of the options that the state gave CC. So, no, you can't blame gays for that one.


So you are asserting that they shut down for some reason OTHER than gay adoption? That's pretty hard to support. Please explain why they did shut down.


That no doubt hurts many organizations and people who really DO want to discriminate against blacks, or jews, or gays. Disagree with those laws? Then it's your right to vote against them.


Once again, equating discrimination against gays in certain circumstances with racial/ethnic discrimination. I do not accept that equivalence. And yes, it's my right to vote against them (well, not in Boston), and it's my right to point out the harm those laws do.

It is also up to anyone to balance the harm vs the benefit and come to their own conclusions.


Look, John. This whole argument started because you said that you 'respect' gays, but that you don't think we should have very many rights. All your posts have taken the side of the anti-gay rhetoric. Furthermore, you keep arguing for the right of organzations and people to discriminate against gays. Which is fine, but then it makes it very difficult for us to square with your statement that you 'respect' gay people. Generally speaking, it's hard to respect people that you think should be discriminated against.


Good summary. But, I have no problem respecting people I think should be discriminated against. It is false that one must approve of every, or some arbitrary (even important) part of a person's personality or behavior in order to respect them.

You seem to equate discrimination with condemnation, and respect with unconditional approval.
2.21.2009 5:16pm
Randy R. (mail):
Gov98:"Marriage is a union, that I believe, created by God to show the way in which two distinct persons form one union, two different persons and types man and woman, come together to form the married whole."

Query: Two atheists get married by a justice of the peace. God is never mentioned, and the married couple never recognizes his existence.

Is their marriage still a union created by God? The beliefs and attitudes of the married couple have nothing to do with God and yet they are still considered married by law and in society. It's difficult to imagine that God would bless a union that denies his existence, yet you would still consider that a valid marriage, correct?

The bible has quite a few things to say about marriage, about who can marry and who can't. Jews are definatly not allowed to marry non-jews -- so are you arguing that interfaith marriages are invalid by law and by God? Seems to me we are violating God's will on that one, but most people don't have a problem with it.

But since we are presuming to know God's will, how exactly do you know what God's will is? I know quite a few gay couples who are married, and they live perfectly happy lives. Why isn't God punishing them?

And if religion is the basis of marriage, then which religion? Down at Bob Jones U., interracial marriage is forbidden, and they specifically cite the bible and God's word. They believe they are correct, and everyone is wrong. Who is to decide?

I think it is best to allow civil unions to anyone, and leave marriage to the churches. Your church doesn't believe in SSM? Great! Then don't have 'em! But for those people who do believe, they should not have THEIR faith trampled upon, should they? Why should your religion forbid others to practice their religion?
2.21.2009 5:22pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
That is about as marginally religious as you can get.

And yet it is enough to discriminate in who can participate - congratulations on the pregnancy!

And the Boy Scouts themselves claimed they were a religious organization in the filings to the SCOTUS in their case though it wasn't decided on that standard.

Again, they are being treated the same as every other private religious youth group, what they are whining about is losing their special privileges they got back when they behaved more like a public accommodation. They can't have it both ways and shouldn't even want to if they are going to be consistent with the Scout creed. (as several scout leaders have stated). They can discriminate, they just can't be a state-sanctioned organization if they do. Again, you don't see other religious youth groups clamoring for special rights do you?
2.21.2009 5:23pm
Randy R. (mail):
One last point: Never does anyone have an answer for this question, and I noticed everyone has still ignored it.

Which is better: A gay couple that has three kids and cannot be married, or a gay couple that has three kids and is married. Which is better for the children and society?
2.21.2009 5:25pm
John Moore (www):

I think it is best to allow civil unions to anyone

Convicted heterosexual pedophiles?

Again, they are being treated the same as every other private religious youth group, what they are whining about is losing their special privileges they got back when they behaved more like a public accommodation.

Their behavior hasn't changed in that regard, as far as I know.
2.21.2009 5:27pm
John Moore (www):
Which is better: A gay couple that has three kids and cannot be married, or a gay couple that has three kids and is married. Which is better for the children and society?


The former. How did they get the kids?
2.21.2009 5:28pm
studentactivism.net (www):
"How'd they get the kids?" Way to be creepy, John.
2.21.2009 5:33pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
Their behavior hasn't changed in that regard, as far as I know.

Well I was an outspoken atheist when I was in scouts in the 60s and even did my religious merit badge paper on how if there was an acceptable religion it would be the Deism of our founding fathers. The Baptist minister that signed off on it said 'well you've obviously thought about it'. Overt religious discrimination as policy is a new aspect of the BSA some say after key leadership positions were taken by Mormons and evangelicals.

Regardless the reason, they now are an 'out and proud' private religious youth group that discriminates and they reap the positive and negatives of that identity, negatives which are the exact same ones as every other such group has. Again, why do they deserve special rights and treatment?
2.21.2009 5:36pm
SirBillsalot (mail):
Sorry, going back a few posts:

Randy R wrote:
However, even a gay republican like David Catania felt he was forced to leave the party based on its anti-gay stances in the past eight years.



Catania doesn't seem to me to be the best example. He's a moderate Republican, but one elected (mostly by a quirk in DC election law that reserves seats for non-Democrats) in one of the most liberal cities in the country. His party was always more of a handicap in DC politics than his sexual orientation and although he said he broke with the party over gay marriage, I can't be the only cynic who thought at the time that dropping the (R) after his name was a convenient political move for him.

It comes back to the question in the original post. Are liberals more intolerant of Republicans than Republicans are of gays?
2.21.2009 5:40pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
Are liberals more intolerant of Republicans than Republicans are of gays?

I wonder if such erroneous term substitution is the source of many of the responses here.

Republican ≠ conservative.
2.21.2009 5:43pm
eyesay:
Gov98 wrote
To say that the faithful is an idiot or mocks by referencing the "flying spaghetti monster" is hardly respectful,
and reveals a profound misunderstanding of the debate. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was not introduced to mock other religions for the sake of mocking them. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was introduced in response to the unworkable theory of pedagogy that religious alternatives to science should be taught as science. In the United States, promoters of that unworkable theory invariably want a fundamentalist Genesis-based story taught as science. But in reality, once we allow one fairy tale to be taught, we have no basis for discriminating among all possible fairy tale versions of the origins of earth and life on it. The Flying Spaghetti Monster was introduced to show that the number of such "explanations" is unlimited and therefore it is unworkable to teach alternatives to the one theory that is actually testable and actually supported by evidence.

I am sick and tired of conservatives continually trying to impose unworkable values on anyone else and boo-hooing about being beleaguered and discriminated against because they don't succeed 100% of the time.
2.21.2009 5:45pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
To say that the faithful is an idiot or mocks by referencing the "flying spaghetti monster" is hardly respectful,

No less respectful than people saying others not of their faith are sinners, a purely religious term that applies only to those that share their faith.

They call me a 'sinner' I get to call them a 'superstitious moron' - doctrine of mutual respect.
2.21.2009 5:49pm
John Moore (www):

No less respectful than people saying others not of their faith are sinners, a purely religious term that applies only to those that share their faith.


No, the purely religious term applies to everyone, but may only be accepted by one who shares the faith. It is not terribly disrespectful, depending on context, since Christianity holds everyone to be sinners, including devout believers.
2.21.2009 5:53pm
John Moore (www):

Regardless the reason, they now are an 'out and proud' private religious youth group


What religion exactly are they? After all, you can be Christian, Muslim, Hindu or Muslim (among others) and join BSA.
2.21.2009 5:58pm
Putting Two and Two...:

In Italy and Ireland in recent times, divorce was absolutely forbidden because it offended the morality of most of the people.


Not sure about Ireland, but in Italy, the passage of divorce laws by a leftist government in the early 70s was followed by a referendum three years later, in 1974. The referendum to REPEAL the law and BAN divorce failed 60/40 with 88% turnout. Support for divorce had been a majority position for quite a while.

It was the Vatican and the right-wing parites who insisted on the "moral" prohibition.

plus ça change...
2.21.2009 6:00pm
Dave N (mail):
Bob Van Burkleo,

"Religious Merit Badge?" Various religous groups have had specialized awards for Scouts that are members of their religion, but as an Eagle Scout I have never heard of a Religious Merit Badge.

Maybe it was something else, and maybe you did write such a paper, but your anecdote sounds fishy to me.
2.21.2009 6:03pm
SirBillsalot (mail):

I wonder if such erroneous term substitution is the source of many of the responses here.

Republican ≠ conservative.



Republican is a reasonable proxy for conservative, especially when contrasted with the other pairing - liberal and Democrat. It's in the nature of parties to be coalitions of the more-or-less-in-agreement.
2.21.2009 6:03pm
Putting Two and Two...:

IF gays can get married everywhere, and that 'normalizes' our relationships throughout society, what's the problem?


GOP turnout in large areas of the country...
2.21.2009 6:05pm
John D (mail):
Added note on adoption in Massachusetts:

It's perfectly legal to run a private adoption agency in Massachusetts; you just can't get state funds for doing so.

I did run across a reference to an agency run by the LDS in Massachusetts. Not only will they not adopt to gay people, they won't adopt to non-Mormons.

Can they really discriminate like that? Sure they can.

Do I have a problem with that? Not at all. They're a private religious agency.
2.21.2009 6:16pm
Putting Two and Two...:

We're still waiting for support for your claim that Cramer has misstated the facts.


Aren't you first waiting for Clayton to clarify his meandering assertion and back it up with evidence?

It appears that you've conceded his accounts of the other incidents.


Don't leap to conclusions.
2.21.2009 6:22pm
Putting Two and Two...:
Gov98,

Thanks, first of all, for a calm and polite post.

Still, I think you miss something fundamental.

The issue isn't whether we speak to each other nicely about our differences and refrain from harsh words and insults. The issue is our equality in the law. The law reflects your disagreements with my life choices. At the same time, it protects your life choices from my opinions.

That's not fair. It's unjust. How can we have mutual respect when actual treatment is so unbalanced?
2.21.2009 6:41pm
Putting Two and Two...:
Randy R:

Furthermore, I can't think of a single openly gay Republican politician


I can think of a few, though I can't think of one who wasn't involuntarily outed. There must be a couple by now, I would think.

Harder, of course, to find an openly gay, pro-gay-rights Republican politician.
2.21.2009 6:44pm
Putting Two and Two...:

We have had this system for child rearing pretty much since our cave days.


The nuclear family as social structure is about 50 years old.

But, more to the point, do you think there were no gay cavemen?
2.21.2009 6:53pm
Putting Two and Two...:

Gay rights laws have already forced Catholic Charities of Boston (serving since 1903) to shut down.


I guess they were run out of town so fast they neglected to turn off their website:

www.ccab.org
2.21.2009 7:00pm
Desiderius:
"In the United States, promoters of that unworkable theory invariably want a fundamentalist Genesis-based story taught as science. But in reality, once we allow one fairy tale to be taught, we have no basis for discriminating among all possible fairy tale versions of the origins of earth and life on it."

And how is this different from the "If we allow SSM, then we'll have no ground on which to prohibit polygamy" argument?

I find it exceedingly curious that the ideology that, one the one hand, gives us "It's biology all the way down" on the question of the genesis of life in general, no other narratives need apply, supplementary or otherwise, on the other hand, on the the question of the genesis of particular lives, denies that there is any biological component whatsoever, indeed pretends that they've never even considered the possibility (else the out-of-hand dismissal of SSM critics makes no sense) that there might be some compelling societal interest in taking advantage of the selfishness of each gene in looking after its progeny via the entirely unnatural, but long useful, institution of heterosexual, monogamous marriage (until recently, the qualifiers being unnecessary).

Expanding that definition might be the least bad alternative, but the pretense that nothing is lost thereby is, literally, incredible, and does little to make the preferred policy of its advocates a reality. Wallowing in victimhood no longer matches the facts.
2.21.2009 7:04pm
Desiderius:
"Harder, of course, to find an openly gay, pro-gay-rights Republican politician."

Please. The goal posts have been continually moved to prevent that very actuality.
2.21.2009 7:06pm
Putting Two and Two...:

Then when SSM was approved, they suddenly decided that gay couples are good enough, so they stopped.


A clarification. CCAB, like some other CC organizations, stopped providing adoption services under clear direction from the Vatican overriding the positions of their CEOs and near unanimous opposition from their boards of directors.

The Church created this "crisis" on purpose.
2.21.2009 7:13pm
Randy R. (mail):
Moore: "Which is better: A gay couple that has three kids and cannot be married, or a gay couple that has three kids and is married. Which is better for the children and society?


The former. How did they get the kids?"

Please explain how it is better for the kids and society to have unmarried parents.

And please make sure that your explanation shows the respect for gays that you claim to have.
2.21.2009 7:16pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
Religious Merit Badge?"

Maybe it was your gratuitous addition of capitals at the beginning of the words that confused you? I described the merit badge as a 'religious merit badge', which your Google search shows many old scouts just refer to as the religion merit badge. They may have pc'ed up the name in recent decades but it existed.

What religion exactly are they?

The deistic theist kind. The kind that doesn't enroll people who don't believe in a magic sky parent.
2.21.2009 7:17pm
Bob Van Burkleo (mail):
Republican is a reasonable proxy for conservative

A large part of Republican are motivated by fundamentalist religious beliefs, not conservatism. Many Republicans are very non-conservative when it comes to promoting their religious agendas.
2.21.2009 7:20pm
Putting Two and Two...:

Please. The goal posts have been continually moved to prevent that very actuality.


Which goal posts? And who moved them?

I said it was harder. You seem to think it impossible.

On a thread about how welcoming the GOP is to gay people.

Interesting.
2.21.2009 7:25pm
Mac (mail):


The nuclear family as social structure is about 50 years old.

I hardly know how to respond to that one. You learned it in college, right?

What would you call Jesus, Mary and Joseph?


But, more to the point, do you think there were no gay cavemen?



Probably, but I don't think they were married to each other. Nor do I think they contributed much if anything to the evolution of and propagation of the species.
They certainly did not have artificial insemination.
2.21.2009 7:39pm
Jon Rowe (mail) (www):

Once again, equating discrimination against gays in certain circumstances with racial/ethnic discrimination. I do not accept that equivalence. And yes, it's my right to vote against them (well, not in Boston), and it's my right to point out the harm those laws do.


The problem with this notion is that "civil rights" is in no way dependent on making an equivalence with race. Nothing is equivalent to race. Race is race. If that's what civil rights were and along come the gays arguing "we are the new blacks" (the way the anti-gay right portrays things), I'd be against gay rights.

In reality the protected categories at the federal level are race, color, ethnic origin, gender, religion, pregnancy, age and disability. Given what's protected, there is no logical or rational basis for excluding sexual orientation from the civil rights list. Religion is a Hell of a lot more chosen and changeable than sexual orientation. Older folks over 40 are not economically disadvantaged, but the very opposite. Many disabilities are either mutable (they can be cured) or the result of choice (i.e., Christopher Reeve).

If there is no such thing as anti-gay bigotry than there is no such thing as anti-Christian bigotry.
2.21.2009 7:46pm
Desiderius:
Putting two and two,

"Which goal posts? And who moved them?"

People who say things like the statement of yours I quoted, often for reasons having more to due with cultural/party markers than rights per se.
2.21.2009 7:49pm
Desiderius:
"Interesting."

Get over yourself. Most Republicans and/or conservatives are quite solicitous of the rights of their fellow citizens, whatever their sexual orientation. To say that it is difficult to find a Republican who is openly pro-gay-rights says more about your understanding of rights than the difficulty of being a gay conservative.
2.21.2009 7:52pm
Putting Two and Two...:

I hardly know how to respond to that one.


Apparently.


What would you call Jesus, Mary and Joseph?


Irrelevant to the question. But something tells me that's not the answer you're after, so how about 1) the abiological progeny of 2) his biological mother 3) and his non-biological father figure (at least that's what the theology says).

So, if 2) and 3) were a distinct entity unto themselves, what put them on the road to Bethlehem resulting in the birth of 1) in an animal pen? Surely as an autonomous social unit they could have just stayed home for the Event, no?
2.21.2009 7:53pm
Desiderius:
Mac,

"What would you call Jesus, Mary and Joseph?"

Considering that Joe would fail a paternity test, I'm not sure that this is the best example for your argument.

Then again, if the nuclear family is only 50 years old, that means it started in 1959, making the bulk of the Baby Boomers conceived by something else. The Atomic Family?
2.21.2009 7:59pm
pluribus:
Republicans should consider why their numbers are shrinking. They show open contempt for gays, blacks, Hispanics, and immigrants--anybody who doesn't conform to their own standard of "normality." What's left? The old country club Republicans, the religious right, and the states of the former Confederacy. Why any gay would want to identify with self-identified conservatives--who, as this thread demonstrates, think they are the equivalent of drunkards, adulterers, polygamists, and assorted sociopaths--and who regard gay rights as "government handouts"--is puzzling. I think it must be deeply psychological, perhaps a reluctance to turn their back on the politics they grew up with--most (not all) all gays come from staunchly anti-gay households, of course--and a belief that self-loathing is perhaps the best they can expect in this life. It is profoundly sad.
2.21.2009 8:00pm
Mac (mail):

Surely as an autonomous social unit they could have just stayed home for the Event, no?




What? Sorry, I went to college when we had to write coherently. I do not speak the new double-speak, non-sequiter, nuanced English. Please translate for me and write slowly.

By the way, they didn't stay home because they had to go to Bethlehem for the government census. Ergo, baby born in manger.
2.21.2009 8:02pm
Mac (mail):

Then again, if the nuclear family is only 50 years old, that means it started in 1959, making the bulk of the Baby Boomers conceived by something else. The Atomic Family?


Desiderius,

Not to mention the pioneer families, immigrant families, the Pilgrams, the Puritans and most of Europe pre coming to the New World. One wonders how all those Jewish families got started in the Old Testament. Not to mention poor Oedipus.
2.21.2009 8:07pm
Grover Gardner (mail):

I have no problem respecting people I think should be discriminated against.


Apart from gays, could you give us an example of someone you respect who you also think it's fair to discriminate against?


Convicted heterosexual pedophiles?


Good answer!


How did they get the kids?


What difference does that make?


What religion exactly are they?


According to their own literature it's called "non-sectarian" or "interfaith."

The Boy Scouts of America maintains that no member can grow into the best kind of citizen without recognizing an obligation to God and, therefore, recognizes the religious element in the training of the member, but it is absolutely nonsectarian in its attitude toward that religious training. Its policy is that the home and organization or group with which the member is connected shall give definite attention to religious life. Only persons willing to subscribe to these precepts from the Declaration of Religious Principle and to the Bylaws of the Boy Scouts of America shall be entitled to certificates of leadership.
2.21.2009 8:08pm
Putting Two and Two...:

Nor do I think they contributed much if anything to the evolution of and propagation of the species.


If there were any justice in this world, a statement like this would result in a sort of instantaneous mini-rapture of the speaker as his existence was obliterated due to his utter disrespect for the importance of his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great-great-great-great-...great-uncle who, upon the death of his nephews' and nieces' parents, spent the remainder of his life feeding and caring for them with his loyal life-partner, Ogg, eschewing the temptations of Stone-Age circuit parties and all-male vacation cruises.

But, as we all know, the Animist religions have been largely displaced by the much more realistic idea of monotheism, so things like that hardly ever happen.
2.21.2009 8:10pm
Putting Two and Two...:

To say that it is difficult to find a Republican who is openly pro-gay-rights says more about your understanding of rights than the difficulty of being a gay conservative.


You're not reading very carefully. Randy said "Furthermore, I can't think of a single openly gay Republican politician". I said I could think of a few. I said it was harder to find one who was also openly pro-gay-rights. You seem to say it's impossible.

I'll "get over myself" once you try to follow the thread more closely.
2.21.2009 8:14pm
Putting Two and Two...:

Then again, if the nuclear family is only 50 years old, that means it started in 1959, making the bulk of the Baby Boomers conceived by something else. The Atomic Family?

As I get older, I keep forgetting that I have to raise the number 50 to keep up with the advancing calendar. Sometime in the last century, the predominant social structure went from extended family to nuclear family. Is that vague enough to be something we can agree on?
2.21.2009 8:19pm
John D (mail):
The nuclear family has, of course, been with us for a long time (longer than 50 years, at least), but it doesn't seem to have been the norm in the United States earlier than the beginning of the 20th century.

Previously, families often consisted of three generations sharing a dwelling. If we went back to 1809 and told people that grandma (or great-grandma) lived on her own, or worse that she was in a communal living situation tended by strangers, they'd be dumbfounded.

In a lot of those stories: immigrants, Pilgrims, Jews of the Old Testament period, there's grandma in the shadows by the fire. When grandma's living with you, you're not in a nuclear family situation.
2.21.2009 8:21pm
Putting Two and Two...:

I went to college when we had to write coherently.


You poor man. It must have been hell.
2.21.2009 8:23pm
Putting Two and Two...:
Ooops. Hit the wrong button. My snark was supposed to be followed by:

By the way, they didn't stay home because they had to go to Bethlehem for the government census.


My point is that Joseph had to return to the home of his family. The government and culture of the time did not see him and his wife as a separate family.
2.21.2009 8:26pm
Putting Two and Two...:
Ooops. Hit the wrong button. My snark was supposed to be followed by:

By the way, they didn't stay home because they had to go to Bethlehem for the government census.


My point is that Joseph had to return to the home of his family. The government and culture of the time did not see him and his wife as a separate family.
2.21.2009 8:26pm
Randy R. (mail):
Desiderius:"Most Republicans and/or conservatives are quite solicitous of the rights of their fellow citizens, whatever their sexual orientation. "

Baloney. The Rebpulican congress passed DOMA,and prevented ANY gay rights legislation to even come to a vote any time they were in power. Heck, they even tried for a constitutional amendment to strip us of any chance of getting married in any state. All legislation they have ever proposed was to rescind the rights of gays. Remember Amendment 2 to the CO state constitution? It wasn't Democrats that voted for that one, so who do you think did?

But please -- go ahead and name one right that the Repubicans and/or conservatives have given to gays.
2.21.2009 9:15pm
Perseus (mail):
Legal recognition of gay marriage would no more be a "handout" than is legal recognition of straight marriage.

Au contraire. Both are handouts that need to be justified like any other social policy, and like any other social policy, who should be eligible for them is a critical question.

Why any gay would want to identify with self-identified conservatives--who, as this thread demonstrates, think they are the equivalent of drunkards, adulterers, polygamists, and assorted sociopaths--and who regard gay rights as "government handouts"--is puzzling. I think it must be deeply psychological, perhaps a reluctance to turn their back on the politics they grew up with--most (not all) all gays come from staunchly anti-gay households, of course--and a belief that self-loathing is perhaps the best they can expect in this life. It is profoundly sad.

That is precisely the sort of patronizing attitude that inspired the original post.
2.21.2009 9:22pm
trad and anon (mail):
Here is my problem with gay marriage. I am not sure that we really know how one's sexuality is formed. Certainly, I accept that for some, it is something they are born with. However, I do not think that is the case in all or perhaps even most instances.
The science is actually quite conclusive on this issue. The twin studies show that where one identical twin is gay, the other identical twin is gay at a rate of about 50%. So it's pretty clear that genetic factors have a major impact on the development of sexual orientation, but they can't be the sole cause.

Of course, it's worth pointing out that we don't know what causes heterosexuality either. We know it's somehow innate but we don't know anything about the mechanism that causes it.
2.21.2009 9:50pm
trad and anon (mail):
The Boy Scouts do not have a religious creed or text - just one non-denominational statement: "To do my duty to God and my country." That is about as marginally religious as you can get. It certainly says nothing about what that duty is.
Exactly. If that makes the BSA a religious organization, then "In God We Trust" and "one nation under God" make the USA a theocracy.
2.21.2009 9:53pm
Perseus (mail):
But please -- go ahead and name one right that the Repubicans and/or conservatives have given to gays.

This being the eve of the Academy Awards in which politically correct Hollywood nominated Milk for several awards, I would point out that none other than the man who is much hated by gay rights groups, Ronald Reagan, came out publicly against the Briggs Initiative, which helped to defeat it--and he did so despite concerns that it might alienate conservatives whom he was courting in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination.
2.21.2009 9:55pm
SirBillsalot (mail):
Bob Van Burkleo:

A large part of Republican are motivated by fundamentalist religious beliefs, not conservatism. Many Republicans are very non-conservative when it comes to promoting their religious agendas.


Bob, I could make a similar argument that says liberals aren't liberal if they support ideas that I think are illiberal (like, say, speech codes). But railing against commonly understood terms and contradicting how people identify themselves would be pointlessly argumentative, something that confuses rather than clarifies.

Personally, I think it is more productive to debate ideas than it is to try to appropriate language.
2.21.2009 10:25pm
John Moore (www):
@Grover Gardner
Apart from gays, could you give us an example of someone you respect who you also think it's fair to discriminate against?


Women in ground combat roles.

Blind folks (we don't usually let them drive).

Many folks who are smart, creative, etc who are not qualified for the work I might be hiring for.

Bufo Americanus.
2.21.2009 10:59pm
Perseus (mail):
Apart from gays, could you give us an example of someone you respect who you also think it's fair to discriminate against?

Liberals seem to think it's perfectly acceptable to discriminate against men and whites with affirmative action, the rich with progressive taxation, those willing to work for less than the minimum wage, etc.
2.21.2009 11:43pm
Desiderius:
"But please -- go ahead and name one right that the Repubicans and/or conservatives have given to gays."

Rights, properly conceived within the Liberal tradition, are recognized, not given.

Your average conservative recognizes more of your rights as a human being than the vast majority of people living elsewhere or elsewhen on this earth. If this is insufficient for your purposes, or you're upset that they do so in spite of how you construct your identity instead of in enthusiasm therefor, I'd suggest you might have other issues with conservatives that have more to do with exercising cultural dominance than defending the defenseless.

I will grant that adoption is a different issue than conception, and support adoption by stable guardians, whatever their sexual predilections. Dale Carpenter did convince me that same-sex "marriage" is a least bad alternative, but the favorite arguments advanced by its advocates makes it difficult to support him with much enthusiasm.
2.22.2009 12:03am
Desiderius:
I too lament the decline of the extended family - I count myself fortunate to have two strong ones, making up for a broken nucleus - but I can't see how the nuclear (meaning mom+dad+kids as it was first used in this thread, in contrast to families lacking the biological triad) is mutually exclusive with the extended, which is just multiple generations of the nuclear.
2.22.2009 12:07am
Desiderius:
"I said it was harder to find one who was also openly pro-gay-rights."

And I said it was because the goalposts have been continually moved to prevent it. That doesn't make it impossible - nearly all Republicans I know are very supportive of gay rights, including second-amendment rights that supposed progressives manage to forget, or economic rights that I consider to underlie and secure all the others, which, again, so-called progressives show little interest in. So, by and large, Republicans could be considered more pro-gay rights than Democrats, unless getting married is all that matters.

Which, to put it mildly, was not exactly at the top of the gay-rights agenda for much of its history.
2.22.2009 12:14am
ArthurKirkland:
The Boy Scouts reportedly assert that one can not be the best kind of citizen without believing in God. (I use "reportedly" because I hesitate to ascribe such a statement to any organization without better proof than a claim in a blog thread.) If that is true, it seems safe to assume the Scouts would not award a Reason or Logic or Intellect badge. If the Scouts deny membership to a child who either doesn't believe in the supernatural or is unwilling to lie about it, the Scouts organization has more growing up to do than does any ten-year-old.
2.22.2009 12:17am
John Moore (www):
@ArthurKirkland... nice of you to show your anti-religious bigotry.
2.22.2009 1:15am
Brian G (mail) (www):
When the gays start pointing out everyone else opposed to gay marriage than just conservatives, I'll start to pay attention. Until then, I really don't care what gays have to say about us.

And, also, anyone who went to law school knows exactly of what Gay Patriot speaks and that he is 100% correct.
2.22.2009 1:40am
ArthurKirkland:
The Boy Scouts are the bigots. They assert that one can't be one of the "best" citizens without a belief in God. They exclude children for failing to recite an homage to God.

Ascribing bigotry to one who objects to the Boy Scouts' bigotry reveals quite a blind spot.
2.22.2009 2:01am
John Moore (www):
They assert that one can't be one of the "best" citizens without a belief in God.


No, they assert that someone who doesn't belief in God doesn't conform to their particular standards.

That's not bigotry - it's choice.
2.22.2009 2:13am
John D (mail):
Pulling this back struggling to the subject of the post, I might buy GPW thought that ideologies trump sexualities.

Sure, he has an easier time among [presumably straight] conservatives than he does among [presumably liberal] gays. He's in a crowd of people who share the same beliefs about gay people (and other things too).

I'm sure I would find it the other way around, since like many gay people, I'm a liberal.

Counterclaim: It's just as easy to be gay among liberals as it is to be liberal among gays.

Now we've established that people of similar beliefs get on well together and that many of the people who have posted in the 234 comments before this one don't much care for gay people.

Is that news?
2.22.2009 5:36am
Desiderius:
John D,

"Now we've established that people of similar beliefs get on well together and that many of the people who have posted in the 234 comments before this one don't much care for gay people.

Is that news?"

It would be news if it were true. Not to mention news to my three very close gay relatives (one by "marriage") and several other close gay friends, for whom I care a great deal. Many of the commenters in this thread disagree in various ways with how homosexually is understood (as an identity trumping all others, for instance) and exploited as an ideological club by a dominant culture.

It does not therefore follow that we do not care for people who so construct their identity, rather than simply disagreeing with it. If one chooses to insist otherwise, perhaps you'll excuse me for wondering whether your blind insistence has more to do with your own ideology (or more likely ginning up a good hate against your partisan opponents) than with a disinterested pursuit of truth.
2.22.2009 9:28am
pluribus:
Perseus:

Why do people think they are entitled to government handouts? . . . . Both [gay and straight marriage] are handouts that need to be justified like any other social policy. . . .

I hear from the opponents of same-sex marriage that "traditional" [i.e., heterosexual] marriage is the "cornerstone of civilization"? You tell me that it is a mere "government handout." I suppose you think it started with the New Deal, that font of all "government handouts." Your position is preposterous.

Perseus:

That is precisely the sort of patronizing attitude that inspired the original post.

Why do some people think that argumentum ad hominem is an acceptable alternative to a substantive argument? If you have something substantive to say, say it.
2.22.2009 10:30am
pluribus:
John Moore:

That's not bigotry - it's choice.

So if I believe that black peolpe are interior to whites, that's "choice." If I believe that Jews are money-grubbing materialists, that's "choice." If I believe that the Holocaust never happened, and it's all a lie perpetrated by those same money-grubbing materialists, that's "choice." If I believe there is no salvation outside the Catholic Church, that's "choice." If I believe that a wife who is unfaithful to her Muslim husband should be beheaded because she has dishonored him, that's "choice." What in the world (if anything) would you classify as "bigotry" and not mere "choice"?
2.22.2009 10:38am
pluribus:
One characteristic that all bigots have in common is the self-satisfied belief that they are not bigots.
2.22.2009 10:40am
ArthurKirkland:
An earlier contribution ascribed this to Boy Scouts literature:

The Boy Scouts of America maintains that no member can grow into the best kind of citizen without recognizing an obligation to God

That is such a goofy assertion that I used "reportedly" when associating it with the Boy Scouts because I had not performed the relevant research. If the Boy Scouts do not make such as assertion, I believe they are due an apology for being smeared. If the Boy Scouts do make that assertion, they are bigots. Unusually lame bigots, because their objectionable position is aimed at children. Attemping to rehabilitate such bigotry by labeling it a "choice" is lame, too.
2.22.2009 11:23am
trad and anon (mail):
So, by and large, Republicans could be considered more pro-gay rights than Democrats, unless getting married is all that matters.
Which, to put it mildly, was not exactly at the top of the gay-rights agenda for much of its history.
Well, it wasn't an issue because the movement was more concerned with things like being arrested for being gay, people being castrated for being gay, people being considered mentally ill for being gay, people routinely being fired for being gay, etc. It's hardly a shock that marriage rights weren't an issue back in the days of Stonewall.

Conservatives have fought gays at every step of the way, from decriminalization to antidiscrimination laws to antidiscrimination norms to marriage equality. Even here, on a "libertarian" blog, is the reaction to Lawrence "as long as SCOTUS is misinterpreting the Constitution, they may as well do it on the side of giving people too many liberties?" No, what we see from the commenters is chock and horror at this outrage.
2.22.2009 1:27pm
pluribus:
trad and anon:

Conservatives have fought gays at every step of the way, from decriminalization to antidiscrimination laws to antidiscrimination norms to marriage equality.

It's a general characteristic of conservatives to oppose any and all extensions of civil liberties. Conservatives opposed universal male suffrage (abolishing property requirements), abolition of slavery, woman suffrage, child labor laws, the end of Jim Crow laws, the end of anti-miscegenation laws, and the anti-discrimination legislation. Heck, it was conservatives who opposed American independence from England. There have been notable exceptions along the way, but this is the general rule.
2.22.2009 1:46pm
John D (mail):
Desiderius

It does not therefore follow that we do not care for people who so construct their identity, rather than simply disagreeing with it.


What does it mean to "disagree with an identity"?

Does it mean that you are questioning the existence of homosexuality? "Yes, I know you claim to be in love with another man, but deep down, you're heterosexual, because everyone is?" Is this what you're suggesting?

I know there are people who state their opposition to gay rights is based on a belief that homosexuality is illusory, and a mere inappropriate turning away from a proper, heterosexual outlook.

To those who say that inside every gay man or lesbian there's a heterosexual struggling to express him or herself, I have these words:

You're wrong.

I am well aware that there are people who believe there really are no gay people, just misguided straight people, therefore there is no need for gay rights. Gay rights would just encourage people to make mistakes.

They're wrong.

The existence of these people remind me that they will never compromise. The Blankenhorn/Rauch [so-called] compromise is dead in the water. It's probably harder to get than marriage rights.

I think same-sex marriage will be recognized throughout the country before 2025, unless we make some stupid mistake and settle for a separate-but-unequal status.
2.22.2009 2:23pm
John D (mail):
Hmm... conflated posts. Forgot which thread I was arguing on.

However, the point was valid for either thread.
2.22.2009 2:25pm
Desiderius:
Pluribus,

"One characteristic that all bigots have in common is the self-satisfied belief that they are not bigots."

Is this a proof by demonstration?
2.22.2009 3:44pm
Desiderius:
John D,

Of course there are gay people, as there are people who prefer chocolate ice cream and others who prefer vanilla. As a liberal, I tend to resist ways of thinking that diminish the role of volition in living, and thus understanding - the unexamined life famously being not worth living - one's life.

The iron doctrine that homosexual practice contains no volitional element seems to me thus illiberal. It does not therefore follow, however, that it should be illegal, or even discouraged. It does seem reasonable, however, to consider the extent to which children, benefiting from being raised by both of the human beings who combined to create said child (this benefit itself, of course, is debatable) do not have some claim to have that arrangement recognized and encouraged by the society, if not the state, and whether those who choose not to enter such an arrangement, but rather to create a different arrangement more consonant with their own preferences than, necessarily, the interests of the child (given above debatable point), should be able to claim that the two arrangements are identical, and, further, to assert that those questioning their claim do so from base motives.
2.22.2009 3:56pm
Desiderius:
Trad and pluribus,

Most of the events you speak of happened well before the bulk of today's "conservatives" were even born. As a liberal, I had hopes that we might be more, you know, progressive. Forward-looking. That kind of thing.

That said, they were fighting for the rights I mentioned above. We're such a liberal country that everyone is fighting for some right or the other.
2.22.2009 4:00pm
Desiderius:
John D,

To answer your specific question, I disagree with the current emphasis placed upon sexuality in the construction of identity - straight, gay and otherwise. Nothing against sex, just that other things of more lasting importance tend to get overlooked. BTW, my gay (and straight) friends disagree with how I over-analyze everything, so such disagreement is far from the end of the world.
2.22.2009 4:03pm
Putting Two and Two...:

This being the eve of the Academy Awards in which politically correct Hollywood nominated Milk for several awards, I would point out that none other than the man who is much hated by gay rights groups, Ronald Reagan, came out publicly against the Briggs Initiative, which helped to defeat it--and he did so despite concerns that it might alienate conservatives whom he was courting in his bid for the Republican presidential nomination.


Uh... that's not quite the GOP giving gay people a right, is it? Nevertheless, the support was appreciated.

As for Milk, have you seen it? Personally, I can see why it's in the category, but can't imagine why it would win. A Best Actor to Sean Penn, on the other hand, I could see, though he wouldn't be my first choice.

It would be a shame if Milk won as some sort of compensation for Brokeback Mountain's loss to Crash.
2.22.2009 4:27pm
Putting Two and Two...:

but I can't see how the nuclear (meaning mom+dad+kids as it was first used in this thread, in contrast to families lacking the biological triad) is mutually exclusive with the extended, which is just multiple generations of the nuclear.


The point is that gay couples fit quite well into the structure of multi-generational extended familes and, in all likelihood, did so quite well before some religions developed an aversion to us.
2.22.2009 4:32pm
pluribus:
Pluribus:

One characteristic that all bigots have in common is the self-satisfied belief that they are not bigots.

Desiderius:

Is this a proof by demonstration?

If the shoe fits, by all means wear it, Desiderius.
2.22.2009 4:41pm
pluribus:
Desiderius:

Most of the events you speak of happened well before the bulk of today's "conservatives" were even born.

You have some novel ideas, though they are poorly thought out. Is it your position that conservatives first emerged into the world with people who are now living? As I said, novel. I also take it by your use of scare quotes that you don't actually think there are any conservatives, just "conservatives." As I said, poorly thought out.
2.22.2009 4:48pm
pluribus:
Desiderius:

Of course there are gay people, as there are people who prefer chocolate ice cream and others who prefer vanilla.

I should apologize for saying your ideas are novel and poorly thought out. I see from the above that they are novel and absurd.

By the way, have you seen a particular movement to achieve equal rights for people who prefer different icea cream flavors? Have any constitutional amendments been proposed that address ineequality in this area? Have you heard of any ballot propositions in which millions of voters have expressed their opinions on this burning social question, touching as it does at the legal, social, and moral fibre of the nation? Have you heard of any foreign nations--perhaps Canada, Spain, or the Netherlands, that have addressed this problem with legislation that grrants broad equality to all the different icea cream prefererences in the world? If you have, perhaps you would share them with those of us who haven't.

As I said, novel and absurd.
2.22.2009 4:57pm
Perseus (mail):
I suppose you think it started with the New Deal, that font of all "government handouts." Your position is preposterous.

Talk about ad hominem argumentation. While marriage is indeed older than the New Deal, anyone the least bit familiar with the institution in the West knows that government hasn't always been involved with the institution. In ancient Rome for example, marriage was a purely private act which did not require the sanction of any public authority. Today, by contrast, civil marriage carries with it a large basket of legal goodies and public recognition of such relationships which the supporters of SSM feel they are entitled to.

Uh... that's not quite the GOP giving gay people a right, is it?

I suppose that depends on whether one considers not taking away a right as being in some sense equivalent to giving one.
2.22.2009 5:01pm
trad and anon (mail):
Talk about ad hominem argumentation. While marriage is indeed older than the New Deal, anyone the least bit familiar with the institution in the West knows that government hasn't always been involved with the institution. In ancient Rome for example, marriage was a purely private act which did not require the sanction of any public authority. Today, by contrast, civil marriage carries with it a large basket of legal goodies and public recognition of such relationships which the supporters of SSM feel they are entitled to.
Dunno about ancient Rome, but government being involved with the institution has a very long history in Western culture. See, e.g., the ancient Jews' laws calling for the stoning of adulterers, or the laws of the middle ages that bastards were ineligible for inheritance.

Of course, the particular basket of rights and obligations that goes with marriage today is very different from what it was thousands of years ago, but the same is true for rights in land. And the institution of "civil marriage" that comes into existence by grant of a government license dates from the 19th century, but government involvement with marriage goes back much farther than that.
2.22.2009 5:55pm
Andy Freeman (mail):
> The Boy Scouts of America maintains that no member can grow into the best kind of citizen without recognizing an obligation to God.

So what?

You're free to ignore the Boy Scouts for an reason, good or bad, justified or not.

Why don't they get the same consideration? Why do they have any obligation to pay attention to what you'd like them to "maintain"?
2.22.2009 5:58pm
trad and anon (mail):
Trad and pluribus,

Most of the events you speak of happened well before the bulk of today's "conservatives" were even born. As a liberal, I had hopes that we might be more, you know, progressive. Forward-looking. That kind of thing.
Stonewall was only 40 years ago. There are a lot of conservatives older than 40.

The repeal of sodomy laws happened after that—24 states repealed them in the '70's (Illinois was the only state to repeal before the '70's, in 1962). Other states repealed (or had them struck down by courts) through the '80's and '90's, with the anti-sodomy laws of 14 states stuck down in 2003. In fact, the younger leaders of today's conservative movement cut their political teeth fighting decriminalization and the slow development of antidiscrimination laws and norms in the '80's and '90's.
2.22.2009 6:09pm
ChrisTS (mail):
The fact is, Jesus Bob can respect Gay Nancy without feeling any responsibility to do Nancy's laundry, even though Nancy would really like Bob to do her laundry. No matter how much Nancy wants to say otherwise, in the end it is up to Bob to define his feelings. I belive that was Guest12345.

I'm not sure there is any point to continuing with thise, but so much for the path of wise men.

What 'Nancy' [nice] wants is not for Bob to do her laundry, but for Bob to stop arguing against her right to marry her partner (Joanne or Joe, depending on how we are to read 'Gay Nancy's' sex).
And what she deserves by way of respect as a human is rather minimal, in my view: that her orientation not be described as an 'affliction' or likened to alchoholism, pederasty, bestiality, etc. More subtly, too subtly for some here, she does not want to hear that she is respected as 'Nancy' but not as 'Gay Nancy,' or that she is worthy of respect only if she does not 'flaunt' her gayness - which seems to require pretty much keeping it to herself.

And, yes, to disagree does not entail hositility or disrespect. But, some very hostile and disrespectful comments have appeared in this thread. It is rude to liken someone's faith to belief in a flying spaghetti monster, but it is also rude to tell someone you pity them for not sharing your faith. It may be rude to call someone a bigot; it is definitely rude to tell someone that his/her sexual orientation makes him/her unfit to raise children or undeserving of equal treatment under the law.

Finally, as to the whole 'I do respect you/No you do not' business: I think respect is a relational concept. If you keep telling someone you respect them, and they keep aserting that they feel disrespected by you - well, something has gone awry in the relation. (And, to claim the person who feels disrespected is just engaging in childish emotional blackmail is dismissive, rude, and hostile.)
2.22.2009 6:26pm
Desiderius:
pluribus,

"If the shoe fits, by all means wear it, Desiderius."

I'll get right on trying the fit as soon as you remove your other foot* from it. Then again, I suspect that you're more likely to be the one Prince Charming is looking for than I.

* - the one not in your mouth.
2.22.2009 8:51pm
Desiderius:
Putting two and two...

"The point is that gay couples fit quite well into the structure of multi-generational extended familes and, in all likelihood, did so quite well before some religions developed an aversion to us."

Indeed they do, and have, and will continue to do so, as uncles, aunts, cousins, and adoptive parents. It does not therefore follow, however, that the direct biological tie between parents and their offspring is thereby lessened in importance, especially when such a tie spans multiple generations. Perhaps as a child of divorce, I overrate that importance, but given the trends of the last couple generations, I'd be surprised if I were alone in doing so.
2.22.2009 8:57pm
Desiderius:
Trad and pluribus,

I assumed from the tone of the original poster that he was speaking of younger conservatives who, by the Stonewall Era standards, would be considered flaming liberals in the area of Gay Rights. Thus it is moving goalposts to consider them somehow unreconstructed bigots. Older conservatives have made their various peaces, or in some cases haven't, but by and large your characterizations don't fit well with my experiences.

You (we?) won, especially among the elites who are wearing a little thin on the rest of the country right now and who haven't shrunk from using the supposed homophobia of the conservative parts of the non-elite as an ideological club.

That some conservatives have likewise used Average Joe concern with elite mores (including celebration of homosexuality) as an ideological semi-automatic on their end of the culture war does not argue that such use is justified in either direction, or even ultimately in the interest of securing the rights of all citizens, homosexual and otherwise, given the alternatives on offer, such as MLK's Civil Rights movement.

The quotes on "conservative" were to stress that the denotations of that word you consistently claim are at odds with my own experience and usage of the word.
2.22.2009 9:13pm
pluribus:
Desiderius:
Are you new to VC? If so, you might be interested to know that civility is considered a value here.
2.22.2009 11:17pm
cmr:
Two things:

1. Gays need to understand part of acceptance is people being able to kick your tires a little bit. If you act like you're above criticism (which almost all of you do), you're just as guilty of the "othering" of the LGBTQ community as those who are principally against gays because of their sexual orientation.

2. It's always been true that the hippy-dippy, do-your-own-thing crowd is more uptight, has more rules for what you can and can't say and do, and is more easily offended than conservatives.

The truth is, many people dislike gays because of their personality, their attitudes, and the way they look at issues, especially those that concern themselves. The fact that their sexuality makes them atypical is really just an added extra.

People like Randy R. and jab just prove what I've often said about gays: for many of them, their sexual orientation is actually the least offensive part about them.
2.23.2009 1:48am
Perseus (mail):
the particular basket of rights and obligations that goes with marriage today is very different from what it was thousands of years ago

The basket of legal entitlements associated with marriage has become quite bloated: hence my use of the word "handout."
2.23.2009 2:33am
Desiderius:
pluribus,

"you might be interested to know that civility is considered a value here."

The bully, bloodied, learns the value of civility. Ever was it so. Perhaps some of the conservatives you so loathe have learned a similar lesson?

And no, I'm not new here, although I, like you, have made the decision to adopt a pseudonym.
2.23.2009 6:29am
Desiderius:
cmr,

"People like Randy R. and jab just prove what I've often said about gays: for many of them, their sexual orientation is actually the least offensive part about them."

Then you've been often wrong, although I hesitate to challenge such a demonstrated expert in the field of giving offense. There is nothing offensive about their orientation, and as for the rest Randy at least is less offensive than the average commenter, often more insightful, and at times quite reflective.

Their self-styled ideological "defenders" are often far more ostentatiously tetchy than gays themselves, though I don't begrudge gays any tetchyness they might have, considering. It just might not be their optimal strategy going forward.
2.23.2009 6:37am
pluribus:
Desiderius:

pluribus,

"you might be interested to know that civility is considered a value here."

The bully, bloodied, learns the value of civility. Ever was it so. Perhaps some of the conservatives you so loathe have learned a similar lesson?

And no, I'm not new here, although I, like you, have made the decision to adopt a pseudonym.

Are you as pompous in real life as you come across on these posts? What does a pseudonym (which most of the posters here have adopted) have to do with being new or not new to the site? Or with civility, or the lack of it? Nothing, of course. And all of this to defend your theory that sexual orientation is equivalent to preferences between different ice cream flavors. I called it absurd--yes, because that is what it is. And for that I am a "bully" and "bloodied." If you knew anything at all about sexual orientation, you would not present such a theory, which is totally separated from reality. And if you really believed in such a theory, you would support it by substantive arguments, not epithets.
2.23.2009 9:22am
cmr:
"People like Randy R. and jab just prove what I've often said about gays: for many of them, their sexual orientation is actually the least offensive part about them."

Then you've been often wrong, although I hesitate to challenge such a demonstrated expert in the field of giving offense. There is nothing offensive about their orientation, and as for the rest Randy at least is less offensive than the average commenter, often more insightful, and at times quite reflective.


First of all, a lot of people -- gay and straight -- seem to think other straight, religious people are offended by homosexuality just on its own. I've never thought that was true, and if it were true, it would rank pretty low in terms of what is unlikable about the gay community. Thus my comments.

I'm guessing your claims about Randy are more based on the fact that you agree with him than you actually considering him to be all those things, but the one I see is defensive, dismissive to the big picture (which offends his "gays are the real victims" orthodoxy), and thoroughly unable to engage this issue he seems so passionate about.

Their self-styled ideological "defenders" are often far more ostentatiously tetchy than gays themselves, though I don't begrudge gays any tetchyness they might have, considering. It just might not be their optimal strategy going forward.


I have no idea what you're talking about.
2.23.2009 9:30am
cmr:
the particular basket of rights and obligations that goes with marriage today is very different from what it was thousands of years ago

The basket of legal entitlements associated with marriage has become quite bloated: hence my use of the word "handout."



Not to mention the fact that there are some federal benefits that pertain to no one, like reparations for, like, widows of soldiers who fought in the Spanish-American war.

I look at marital benefits the same way I look at veteran's benefits, disability, senior citizen benefits, welfare, unemployment, Medicare, Medicaid, SCHIP, farm subsidies, WIC vouchers (I know they only apply to women), federal college loans, certain tax breaks people with dependents receive...these are all privileges that in no way outline a fundamental, inalienable right, and people aren't being discriminated against because they don't qualify for them.

I think a lot of people view the issue that way. I think that's the most apt, honest way of looking at it. People think because it's marriage, and because it has a certain civil component, that unwrapping the 14th Amendment burrito and just pointing at what's inside until something sticks is all they have to do.

We do this careful parsing of benefits with everyone, not just with gays and marriage. There are some who get these benefits on a technicality (couples who don't and/or can't produce children), but that doesn't mean we have to enshrine that obvious deviation of intent of these benefits into law just to make another lobby feel good about their social standing.
2.23.2009 9:42am
Aultimer:

Al (mail):
you might be surprised by the reaction. We've had gay couples at "conservative" gatherings,[snip]. Do you think that maybe you are projecting a bit?


I took a black female law clerk (orientation unknown to me, not that it's relevant) to a Federalist Society gathering at a Philadelphia law firm (I'm an old white conservative guy) to see David Post speak. She later confirmed my feeling that the crowd wasn't very welcoming to her. Maybe Charlottesville isn't quite as conservative as other places (like non-college towns).
2.23.2009 1:59pm
ROBERT RUDZKI (mail):
Remember the Sex in the City episode where the girls were shocked at the number of men who let their tongues wander a little further south while performing cunnilingus?

Straight couples enjoy fellatio, anal penetration and analingus as well, why should gay men be ostracized for engaging in the same fun?
2.23.2009 2:51pm
Desiderius:
pluribus,

I think we've about set the mutual patronization record and gotten exactly nowhere. What say we quit while we're behind?
2.23.2009 3:58pm
Desiderius:
cmr,

"I'm guessing your claims about Randy are more based on the fact that you agree with him"

Then you've guessed incorrectly, which you could easily discover by reading the thread. BTW, least offensive is still offensive, so your claim not to be offended doesn't jive with your statements.
2.23.2009 4:01pm
pluribus:
Desiderius:

Agreed.
2.23.2009 4:23pm
cmr:
cmr,

"I'm guessing your claims about Randy are more based on the fact that you agree with him"

Then you've guessed incorrectly, which you could easily discover by reading the thread. BTW, least offensive is still offensive, so your claim not to be offended doesn't jive with your statements.



So then you disagree with him completely? Just curious.

And you obviously didn't catch the point of my comment. The belief is that homosexuality is somehow offensive; I'm saying the attitudes of gays and lesbians is the least offensive part. Meaning, if anything is offensive, it's that. If there is some deep-seated offense religious people have, it's pretty insignificant. But, I'm not going to keep explaining the statement.
2.24.2009 1:36pm

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