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Trouble at the North Pole:

The WSJ reports on conflict among Santa impersonators.

The Amalgamated Santas, one of the nation's largest Santa groups, are dealing with a schism in their ranks. The rift has left burly bearded men accusing one another of bylaw violations, profiteering and behaving in un-Santa-like ways. Some Santas have filed complaints of wrongdoing against others in Kentucky and Pennsylvania.

The once-fraternal Santa impersonators began to split last year when a power struggle unseated their top Santa and most of his board of directors. Further polarizing the Santa world, new splinter groups have formed to woo disaffected Clauses and their allies. The new Fraternal Order of Real-Bearded Santas, for example, also welcomes "affiliates of Mrs. Clauses, Designer Beard Santas and Elves."

Hoosier:
I heard a story on high-end mall Santas a couple years ago on NPR. They can make more in six weeks than I do in a year. Literally.

So would not be surprised if some of the jolly old elves treated this as a high-stakes game.
7.10.2008 3:50pm
Stevethepatentguy (mail) (www):
Termination Clause has the answers.
7.10.2008 3:59pm
krs:

polarizing the Santa world
Nice.
7.10.2008 4:22pm
A Law Dawg:
Stevethepatentguy

Perhaps a cage match between Non-Compete Clause, Severability Clause, Integration Clause, and Indemnification Clause will sort this out.
7.10.2008 4:24pm
Boyd G (www):
I want to know what the real Santa has to say about it.
7.10.2008 4:31pm
Hoosier:
Worse problem at the North Pole: Bipolar bears.
7.10.2008 4:38pm
Paul Milligan (mail):
Sadly, they do discriminate against bearded Mrs. Santas.
7.10.2008 4:47pm
Paul Milligan (mail):
"Perhaps a cage match between Non-Compete Clause, Severability Clause, Integration Clause, and Indemnification Clause will sort this out."

Don't forget the resulting title match with Insanity Clause !
7.10.2008 4:49pm
Chris Bell (mail) (www):
I thought this blog post was going to be about a current matter of gambling in scientific circles:

Will the north pole melt this year? If not, how long will it take? It did pretty badly last year.
7.10.2008 4:50pm
Constructively Reasonable (www):
Someone call the Pinkertons, we have labor troubles on the move!

Also, this reminded me of a terrible movie called Santa Slay. Has anyone else ever seen it?
7.10.2008 4:57pm
A Law Dawg:
Don't forget the resulting title match with Insanity Clause !


I would expect any match for the title to be up against Supremacy Clause, and could be properly refereed only by Equal Protection Clause. Insanity Clause is being counseled by Necessary and Proper Clause.

Though I suspect these fat, disaffected Clauses could all benefit from some time with Free Exercise Clause.
7.10.2008 5:12pm
A Law Dawg:
I have a source who says the dispute is being instigated by Confrontation Clause and Taking Clause who are jealous of Privileges and Immunities Clause.

[This could go on forever]
7.10.2008 5:19pm
hattio1:
You said in your headline that there was trouble in North Pole. But, as I read the paragraph, there's no mention of North Pole, or even nearby Fairbanks, but instead Kentucky and Pennsylvania.
7.10.2008 5:20pm
Bender (mail):
Another tragic consequence of global warming!
7.10.2008 5:27pm
PubliusFL:
This thread needs an Escape Clause.
7.10.2008 5:58pm
TomHynes (mail):
Worse problem at the North Pole: Bipolar bears.



Are they crazy or just sexually confused? I suspect both types are dangerous.
7.10.2008 6:17pm
ReaderY:
With all those Clauses in their contract wonder how many people they have to invite for a wedding

Would love to Indemnity Claus, Escape Claus, and all the kinfolk get to gether for a family reunion.

I imagine a certain of polarization must be one of the hazards of their location.
7.10.2008 9:44pm
Glenn W. Bowen (mail):
uh, whattaya mean, "impersonators"?
7.10.2008 10:13pm
Stevethepatentguy (mail) (www):
Do polar bears have animal magnatism?
7.11.2008 1:14am
wuzzagrunt (mail):
Hoosier:

I heard a story on high-end mall Santas a couple years ago on NPR. They can make more in six weeks than I do in a year. Literally.

I can see it now. History Channel airs a companion series to Ice Road Truckers, called Galleria Santas. Ought to be compelling TV.
7.11.2008 2:00am
TokyoTom (mail):
Jon, you've left out the actual link to WSJ.
7.11.2008 2:51am
UW2L:
Oh goodness, Santarchy meets lawyers. Somebody call in Poison Pill Claus on this thread...

Favorite terrible Santa Claus movie: Vendetta: A Christmas Story.
7.11.2008 3:53am
Joshua:
Next thing you know, one of the Santas is going to take off his coat and reveal the jersey of a hated hockey rival, and all hell will break loose. Oh, wait...
7.11.2008 8:40am
jazzed (mail):
This is what you get when you leave out the Integration Clauses.
7.11.2008 9:53am