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Purim Headlines:

A day late, but the Jewish equivalent of April Fools headlines. Very funny.

Glenn W. Bowen (mail):
So, you know from funny, Mr. Smartypants?



























:)
3.22.2008 4:30pm
A. Zarkov (mail):
By far the most upside down:

Abraham Rubinstein Buys Diamond Engagement Ring from Retail Store.

3.22.2008 5:04pm
davidbernstein (mail):
For the unitiated, the diamond trade is a largely Jewish industry, and almost every Jew knows someone, or knows someone who knows someone, who deals in wholesale diamonds (in fact, my wife's engagement ring came from a friend of my brother-in-law), and therefore Jews not only don't buy diamond rings from retail stores, they tend to compete with each other as to how great a deal they got from their "friend in the industry."
3.22.2008 5:41pm
A. Zarkov (mail):
When I was growing up in New York City in the days when it had "the rag trade," it seemed like a lot of my relatives didn't buy much of their clothing in a retail store either. And if you did go to a retail store for something like a suit, the salesman had better know the business. When I got to California, I found that clothing store salesmen couldn't tell you what number a suit was. I was shocked. Today my daughter will take me shopping with her when she wants to buy formal suit for the office. Of course nothing can compete with the diamond business where a retail purchase seems like a violation of a natural law.
3.22.2008 7:10pm
Turk Turon (mail):
My fave:

Conspiracy Theorists Allege Israeli Government Controlled by "Christian Lobby"

Make that "Sinister Christian Lobby"
3.22.2008 7:10pm
Jocelyn (mail):
As a Jewish woman, I beg to differ with A. Zarkov's pick. By far the most upside down one is the last one: "Moshie Goldberg named NBA most valuable player"

Reminds me of that old line describing a boy's bar mitzvah as the day he realizes that he is far more likely to own a professional sports team than he is to play on one.
3.22.2008 8:50pm
BGates:
the Jewish equivalent of April Fools headlines
-I thought they were the Jewish equivalent of Halloween headlines.
3.22.2008 9:07pm
liberty (mail) (www):

For the unitiated, the diamond trade is a largely Jewish industry


When I first got into programming in the '90s, I had the privilege of making a little e-commerce site website for a couple of nice young Hasids in the diamond district. It was very funny and enlightening. They were cutting diamonds right in front of me, when I went to help them in their little office. Their total overhead must have been about $2500, their profits? - only knows.
3.22.2008 10:09pm
Jay:
I think the picture of the earnest WASP dudes in khakis accompanying the "Christian lobby" story made it the best.
3.22.2008 10:29pm
A. Zarkov (mail):
"Reminds me of that old line describing a boy's bar mitzvah as the day he realizes that he is far more likely to own a professional sports team than he is to play on one."


Jews in basketball.

Now where's the guy who bought retail?
3.22.2008 11:12pm
Jocelyn (mail):
"Now where's the guy who bought retail?"

My brother-in-law. Not only retail did he buy retail, but he bought my sister's diamond engagement ring retail.

Did you hear about the goyische man who called his mother to say he couldn't make it to her house for dinner after all? His mother said, "Fine."
3.23.2008 8:33am
A. Zarkov (mail):
" ... but he bought my sister's diamond engagement ring retail."

Are sure he wasn't related to the store owner? Did this happen in North Dakota?
3.23.2008 12:47pm
RainerK:
DB:

Not having gotten one at the engagement (or ever since), my wife claims a diamond ring for sticking it out to the 30th anniversary later this year.
As a loyal reader I am counting on you to help me out. I'll be in touch.
3.23.2008 2:55pm
Jocelyn (mail):
"Are sure he wasn't related to the store owner?" Oh yes, I am sure.

"Did this happen in North Dakota?" Manhattan, my friend.

Are you saying this is the exception that proves the rule?
3.23.2008 3:56pm
DavidBernstein (mail):
Jocelyn, there is a certain category of woman, Jewish and otherwise, who insists on getting her ring at Tiffany's. Does this include your sister?
3.23.2008 7:47pm
Jocelyn (mail):
"there is a certain category of woman, Jewish and otherwise, who insists on getting her ring at Tiffany's"

And I bet this category (even the Jewish sub-category) is far larger than the number of Jewish men who make it into the NBA. I think in this case it was Cartier, but same idea. Cartier was very trendy at the time. Any of those Jews in basketball ever named MVP? I thought not.
3.24.2008 7:57am
The Unbeliever (mail):
Conspiracy Theorists Allege Israeli Government Controlled by "Christian Lobby"

I'm pretty sure that's an old Daily Kos headline, not an actual parody...
3.24.2008 10:51am
JNS405:
My favorite was, by far, "Jewish Mother Discourages Son from Attending Medical School." It makes me reminisce about why I became a lawyer...

My mother: Don't you think you should become a lawyer?
Me: No.
Mother: Why? Everyone wants to be a lawyer.
Me: No.
Mother: But you're such a good liar. Remember when I used to get angry at you for twisting my words around when you were little? Now you can get paid for it!
3.24.2008 11:11am
hymie (mail):
The Jewish Week did such a spoof section too. By far the funniest story was Spitzer Offered Post As President Of Israel
3.24.2008 3:48pm