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OF GERBILS AND MEN:

My National Review column today is on Snopes, the indispensable urban legends debunker site. I became interested in urban legends several years ago, when for a while it seemed like that terrible tale of Richard Gere and the gerbil was all anyone was talking about. Gerbils aren't actually in the habit of burrowing up the rectums of movie stars — or anyone else, for that matter; I mean, what's in it for the gerbil? — but just try explaining that to the dozens of people here in Hollywood who kept insisting that their sister's/cousin's/uncle's friend worked at some local hospital and — swear to God! — had seen the gerbil X-rays.

People became very heated if you questioned the truth of their story. But gerbils, an exotic desert species that would wreak havoc on California agriculture if they were to get loose and breed, have always been banned as pets here. I remembered this fact from my pet-obsessed childhood, when I checked out every animal book in the library. So where would Gere have found that gerbil? Presumably a hamster or mouse would have served just as well. Obviously the story originated in some cold-weather state where gerbils are legal and migrated to California. And indeed it did: I tracked down a 30-year-old version about Jim Nabors.

And why would a celebrity go to an emergency room with such an awkward problem instead of calling a private doctor? These stories reveal as much about the personal frames of reference of the tale-teller as they do about anything else. Folklorists found the story fascinating: Norine Dresser wrote an article called "The Case of the Missing Gerbil" for the academic journal Western Folklore, which cited a piece I wrote about the story at the time for the gay magazine The Advocate.

"In my favorite version [Gere] went to Kaiser," Dresser told me. "And I just had to scream at the vision of him pulling out his Kaiser card."

Jason (www):
lol
7.21.2004 4:32pm
Rod Hoffman:
The full article in National Review is very good. I have just passed it on to a good friend whose bubble I tried to burst gently by sending him off to Snopes when he forwarded me an email that was, indeed, too good to be true.

I note also that the Reuters Syndrome described in the article ("According to the Bora Bora Times-Bugle, such and such an outrageous thing happened...") does sound suspiciously like the Infamous 16 Words in the State of the Union Address.
7.21.2004 6:31pm
Jon Rowe, Esq. (mail) (www):
I remember back in the early 80s a local Philadelphia News caster -- who is now a reporter for one of those entertainment magazines -- really got burned by the gerbil urban legend.

One urban legend that I remember in my neck of the woods was about the college roomate and the sore anus...and the ether.
7.21.2004 8:14pm
Yami Mcmoots (www):
Ferrets are also banned as pets here, but that certainly hasn't stopped the many ferret-owners I know. There're plenty of reasons to disbelieve the gerbil story, but I don't think the overall effectiveness of California's animal bans is really one of them.
7.22.2004 4:52pm